Posted by shrinking violet on September 10, 2004, at 10:47:55
In reply to Re: not sure i can / should keep doing this » shrinking violet, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2004, at 22:29:31
>> Cash in the chips in therapy or in life? I don't think it's time to cash in the chips in life.
In life. But I'm not sure I'd be able to even do it, which is just something else I'd fail at. I want to believe that there's something better out there for me, but....I don't think I deserve it. And I don't think it's even possible to attain, anymore. Maybe at one time I had some hope...which is why I started therapy to begin with. But here I am a year later, much worse in a lot of ways than I was before I started. And any hope I had has been all but extinguished. Because now I know I tried, and failed. And I don't think I can live like this for the next xx years.
>> Therapy is a tough call. My therapist told me once that my attitude towards termination was an insult to our work together. That a healthy attitude would be to be glad for the time we had together and to learn and grow as much as I could from termination as well as from the therapy itself.
My T said something similar. She said when our time ends she'll miss me, and hope that I'm all right and that she hasn't done any harm, but she won't be sad because she'll know that we both tried very hard, and in the meantime I should try to honor the time we have left rather than dread it. But it's easy for her to say, isn't it? She has protection, a shield, a way to separate me from meaning anything to her, but I don't have that kind of protection. I think this issue is partly why I'm so confused as to what to do: On the one hand, I don't think I can handle going every week knowing it's closer to the end, and I'm not sure I can allow myself to really DO this work in any meaningful way, knowing I'm going to lose the one source of support I have right in the middle of it. But, as you said, I do want to honor the time we have left, I want to try my damndest to do this the way I'm supposed to. I'm just not sure which one I can handle.
Sheesh, I'm more emotional today than I thought. :(
Thank you for your thoughts.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:388901
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/389171.html