Posted by underthecs on August 15, 2004, at 19:26:44
In reply to Re: I quit therapy (again) » underthecs, posted by gardenergirl on August 15, 2004, at 19:08:38
It is pretty turbulent, but I bring it on myself, I think. No, it doesn't really get talked about and he doesn't push. Even when I tell him he SHOULD push a little. I just don't think he has it in him. I was really okay until I heard that his mother was in town and it just made me SO jealous. I've said that before, but it's so uncomfortable to talk about that I don't, and he doesn't push. I mean, if I were to tell him we MUST talk about (fill in the blank w/whatever here), then he will try. But I am very good at shutting him down and sabatoging therapy. I'm a horrible client!
Re: not being able to sleep. I've been almost a daily pot smoker and (less often) a binge drinker. So when I completely stop both of those, the anxiety drives me mad. Like you said... feeling like I'm crawling out of my skin. And then I remember why I used so often in the first place. I am taking Lexapro and Buspar. But what really helps are the benzos... but due to my abuse of them, I can't take them anymore. So I have all of this anxiety with just no outlet for it. So I sit and wait for him to screw up, I guess, so I can go for the jugular. I won't say here all the really mean and horrible things I've emailed to him the last couple of days. Pretty bad though. But actually, other than that scheduling mistake, he hasn't missed a visit in our nearly 2 years together. And he is available by phone anytime I need him. He is always willing to fit me into his schedule when I need it. But I just go so insanely jealous of him having a life that does not revolve around ME. I've told him this, but there's just not much to talk about. I mean, it is what it is and there's no solution. oh well...
poster:underthecs
thread:377994
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/378021.html