Posted by shrinking violet on August 15, 2004, at 14:21:06
In reply to Re: Best Moments in Therapy, posted by gardenergirl on August 15, 2004, at 8:18:07
I haven't been in therapy that long (only one year, which I guess it considered a fairly short period if time), so I don't have many "bests" (more like a lot of little "nices") but one moment stands out above most others.
It's ironic, because this moment stems out of a really horrid time. Back in January I was strongly encouraged by my T and med doc (who are part of my treatment team at Uni for an eating disorder) to check myself IP for a few days. Now, I knew it was because she feared I was suicidal and I had some med issues (abnormal EKGs, blood pressure, etc) from my eating disorder which were found around that time (I was ticked off that she and the doc took the road that would protect themselves and the school first rather than just trusting me to be okay for the 3-day weekend, but that's another issue....). Anyway, I (stupidly?) put my trust in them to know what was best for me (something I NEVER do....I wonder if I was delusional *lol*) and checked myself IP when a bed opened up at a local mental hosp. I, naively, thought it would be more of a medical admission rather than a psych one. But nope, I was locked in a ward, and I freaked right the hell out. I cried for the 3 days I was there (literally) and I refused to eat (no one cared); the only good thing was I lost another 3 pounds. :-/
Anyway, I knew my T had left her home number with the hospital in case they or I needed to call her (assuming they would call her for me). By the second night, I was almost literally climbing the walls with fear (that they'd never let me out) and mind-numbing boredom. So I asked the nurse to call my T. Finally, the nurse wrote my T's number down on a sheet and gave it to me (I felt guilty, feeling like I had info I shouldn't) but apparently she couldn't be bothered to call for me. So, I called my T at home. I bawled....she wasn't aware I had actually gone (I told her I was going, but she said I didn't sound very reassuring, and she told the hosp to call her if I was admitted which they didn't). She took some time out of her evening to talk to me, not upset that I called her at home or had gotten her number. As we hung up, she said to me (and I'll never forget this):
"You're in my heart."
Okay, not much maybe, but it meant so much to me that she'd say that, and something in her voice told me she meant it. I could feel it, sort of, you know? So, I was able to hang up and go back to my room and cuddle under the blankets, wrapping her words around me, so I could fall asleep. The next day, she called there to find out how I was doing (which I hadn't expected either). Later, as we processed the incident, she told me she'd never heard anyone cry so hard on the phone before and her "heart ached," and she was glad I had called because by Sat night she was "crazy with worry."
She said it to me a second time last month, just before I started a partial outpatient ED program. It touched me again, maybe in a way no one has before.
So, that's my (too-long) story.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:377790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377949.html