Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2004, at 0:11:42
Only seems fair...
I have two.
I was in the midst of a nasty postpartum depression and had recently begun seeing the man who I now refer to as the pdoc from H*ll (disclaimer - I'm sure he's helped many people and it was just a bad match for me). He hadn't seen me for very long, but my therapist had been conferring with him for several months on my case. (The pdoc was a consultant at the clinic, and he had my permission, but I was breastfeeding and refused meds.) I told him that I was upset that I wasn't feeling the range of emotions towards motherhood that I had hoped for. I felt flat. Natural enough in postpartum depression, right? He turned to me and said in an offhand manner that I had schizotypal personality disorder, that I would never feel much for anyone, that it wasn't my fault because it was outside my abilities. Now I *knew* that any information he had that led him to that conclusion came from my therapist, because he just hadn't seen me long enough to conclude that himself, and my therapist had spoken to him about me on occasion off and on for months. I was absolutely livid. (Which is good for postpartum depression, I suppose.) My therapist pretty much admitted that he agreed with the conclusion, though insisted it was the pdoc who diagnosed me, not him. It led to a rupture in the therapeutic alliance that lasted well over a year. He now says he believes he would no longer say that about me.
In my immediate postpartum period, I couldn't leave the house. I was trying to hide my frightening suicidal impulses from my husband and family, but I reached out for my therapist. He would call, I would try to tell him how scared I was. He would say he didn't have long to talk but would call me at xxx o'clock. I would arrange to have the baby taken care of so that I could pour out my fears, he would call (often late), and just as I would start to tell him how really afraid I was that I would harm myself, he'd tell me that he didn't have long and was just checking in. I finally screeched at him that he didn't understand. That even though I couldn't leave the house I was willing to pay for a phone session. That I was desperately afraid I would hurt myself. So we arranged payment and a time and he called me. I think we did it twice. Both times I promptly mailed payment. The first time, I think, he seemed distracted. Mid session he told me that it was raining and he could see that he left his car windows open, and he needed to go close them. He's not really good on the phone. :(
poster:Dinah
thread:377824
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040812/msgs/377824.html