Posted by Pandabear on August 9, 2004, at 18:36:42
My therapist had just told me last week that I was at a point where I could back off from therapy if I wanted to and to just use therapy as a means of support...which at the time sounded good and so I canceled my appt that was for this week, but as of yesterday,I changed my mind. I called Sunday night and left a message to get back on the books if possible...when I got home from work today, I had a message saying that the person that took my appt on wednesday had to reschedule and so I was getting my appt back after all.
The problem is that I feel so stupid. Im doing good right now but when I realized that I didnt have an appt to talk with my therapist, I became panicky. Something I used to do when I would get nervous is pick at my skin on my fingers..and well, my pointer finger and thumb are raw. I am SO used to being in therapy the idea of backing off scared me. I feel like if Im not able to talk to her that she is going to forget me. I know that she has other people to see as well..but I feel like I need to be talking to her...even though im doing well.
I started to feel lonely when I was realizing that I wasnt going to get to talk to her and I couldnt sleep well...Do you think it would be ok for me to ask her if I can have something to hold onto for times that Im not in therapy that will remind me of her? I dont know what that would be ..but maybe she has something I can borrow for a while. Im so embarressed that Im this dependent on therapy and on her. Is this co dependency? She did say that I had that..but we were thinking that everything was clearing up since I had my surgery... I really dont know how to talk to her about being to attached to therapy...its so embarressing for me...How can she help me to ease the feelings of being attached?
I think that everytime in the past I have called or come by the office..they are keeping count. I used to call all the time...I dont anymore...but if i happen to call or come by...she finds out...is office staff required to tell them about every call or visit? Or is it just something they require for people that are obsessive? I was just wondering ...I havent asked her because Im too embarressed.
I do feel like it is a waste of time for me to just come to therapy for support when im doing well...its not a waste..but someone else who needed her more could be using the time...I feel like I NEED to have an issue to work on when Im in therapy....therapy is work ..its supposed to be hard at times and I want that...
But I need help overcoming my attachment to her and to therapy..and I dont know how to talk to her..any ideas?
poster:Pandabear
thread:375738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040805/msgs/375738.html