Posted by lonelygal on August 7, 2004, at 21:31:39
In reply to Re: new to babble » lonelygal, posted by Dinah on August 7, 2004, at 19:42:26
Thanks Dinah for replying. I never really thought about it that she may have been frustrated with how my termination was going. When I called her after being told not to call, she seemed really upset and with a raised voice that i would classify as almost yelling was telling me that she couldn't talk to me anymore that i needed to call 911 or go to an emergency room if i thought of hurting myself and that's all she could do and basically hung up on me and i was crying and crying (and i had never allowed myself to cry in therapy ever- that's like one of my biggest fears). I felt like she was way angry that I didn't listen to her and called anyways, but everything is so confusing- my first words when i talked to her in that conversation were i've tried really really hard not to call you and that was very true, i was so upset and didn't know what to do. I feel like she must be mad at me, but then I think like you said, I dont' have the power to make her feel anything, that this relationship was sort of fake, but regardless I regret sharing a lot of things with her that I hadn't shared with anyone else b/c i feel like it didnt' matter to her & that i'm still all alone and nothing has changed. i dont' know everything is really confused in my head right now and its been a week since i've moved and whereas for the past few days i've been crying and crying and super emotional now i'm just sort of going numb and not feeling anything at all.
oh, and i knew for two months that i was leaving, but i was upset about other situations so that we never really addressed my moving. and i had been seeing her for a year and it was my first time in therapy.
poster:lonelygal
thread:375137
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040805/msgs/375182.html