Posted by daisym on August 3, 2004, at 13:09:23
In reply to Psychobabble, posted by Dinah on August 3, 2004, at 10:43:28
Dinah,
I'm sorry about your dad. Watching someone struggle with health problems is tough. I think it sets up a conflict all in itself -- wanting their pain to end yet not wanting to lose them.
I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will make this any less horrible. No matter how many times we tell ourselves, "they are in a better place" or "I was lucky to have them as long as I did" it doesn't make us miss them less. And we can miss parts of them, and not others.
It sounds to me like the rational side of you wants to explore the conflicting feelings you have about your dad and perhaps get a handle on them. The adult recognizes that everyone deals with grief differently and your therapist is trying to help you "get ready." I don't think this is possible. I think you simply recognize that these conflicting feelings exist and probably always will.
The little kid part of you is just totally sad about losing her daddy. She needs comfort and doesn't care one twit that feeling horrible means anything. I suspect that the grief and terror she feels is part of the shut down. It is too much to think about for her.
Like anything else in therapy, I think you need to talk about how alone you feel. I believe you will need support around this, I'm really glad your hubby is stepping up. But I think you will need to find a way to get support from your therapist too. Because with your therapist you can be really sad one day, be tired of all the medical crud another, complain about how your mother is handling things, and continue to flip/flop your emotions as you go through this without apologizing or explaining. You don't have to be brave or accepting or even nice about what is happening when you are with your therapist.
(((Dinah)))
I know how hard this is. Believe me, I do. I find myself holding back in therapy sometimes because I want to complain about my husband and it occurs to me that I'm not the one in pain, I'm not sick, etc. I wonder what my therapist must think of this unsympathetic, cold-hearted person. Or, I think I'm not presenting a balanced side of things. One of my favorite things my therapist does is say, "screw balanced for now. Complain away! It's therapeutic."
I have no idea if this is helpful or not. It is such a painful process. I don't have any wise words, just a shoulder if you need it.
poster:daisym
thread:373572
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/373618.html