Posted by LG04 on July 30, 2004, at 15:50:15
In reply to Re: 30 years of contact » shortelise, posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2004, at 11:19:47
I'm also going thru termination with my therapist. (right now, over the phone b/c we are living in two different countries...but i will return for two weeks at end of august when we will do it more officially).
however we are going to stay in touch somehow. my relationship with her has become as important to me as the therapy itself. i actually read something recently about transference that discussed this as a common thing that happens in therapy. and that it's hard for a patient to get better if they know it will mean the end of a relationship that has become so important, in and of itself. and that it's hard to get out of the transference mode if the therapist never becomes "real." it was an interesting viewpoint. this article said that freud and jung used to have "post-therapy clubs" where they still interacted with their clients, in order to keep the relationship going for them.
i don't think i could have made the decision to return to the States if i thought it meant the total loss of my relationship with my therapist. i still need her and want her in my life. knowing she will still be there gave me the security and confidence to make this move.
we already discussed that the first year will be a "transition" year. basically that the boundaries will be the same, and we will figure out how often i will call her. after a year, we will re-evaluate our relationship and see if we (actually, if I) want to make any changes. she has basically given me control over what i want from our relationship post-therapy. she says it's totally up to me and my needs.
i know this is unusual. she personally has never done this with another client in her 15 years of practice. we are extremely close, on a soul level. i also know that it might get confusing or difficult, at which time i might decide that it's not good for me. it will also probably be influenced by what happens with a new therapist...i.e., my therapist has said that it might be difficult for me to form a new therapeutic alliance if she and i are still in close touch. she might be right. but maybe not. maybe it will help me to make the transition.
we are able to talk about our relationship very openly and i think that is what will enable us to figure out how to do this, one little step at a time. she does things at my pace, and that feels very safe to me.
as i said, i know this is an unorthodox approach. but every therapeutic relationship is different, every relationship is different, and perhaps for our relationship -- more importantly, for me -- this is what i need. if it goes well, i intend to write a book about it. it could be a new paradigm for therapeutic relationships, though i know it would always be a small minority of therapists and clients that would do it.
as for me, i am incredibly grateful and feel blessed that she is willing to do this with me. it might not be easy, but i believe it would be far more difficult for me to cut off from her after i move back here. also, it probably makes a difference that we are living across the world from each other, rather than terminating but in the same city. also it's a VERY premature termination, it's being done not becuase i am ready but because i have determined that i need to move back to my home community. if i were staying where i was, i'd probably be in therapy with her for years and years. as it is, it was only two years.
anyway just adding a different, unusual perspective to the whole concept of termination. it could be that our relationship will fade once we are no longer seeing each other on a regular basis. i just don't know. but that we are pacing it and moving very slowly, and not cutting off my relationship with her is so important to me. i am in a very difficult transition right now, even a crisis (very depressed), and if she were just gone, i'd be over the edge.
LG
poster:LG04
thread:370278
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040728/msgs/372431.html