Posted by 64bowtie on July 28, 2004, at 0:26:40
In reply to Dealing with difficult people, posted by shadows721 on July 25, 2004, at 14:55:22
<<< First off, no matter what you might read into my post, I accept your point(s) and agree with most of your remedy.
> What's not okay is to give up something you need, want or deserve because of their rude, obnoxious, sullen, and apathetic habits. Yes, I do mean "habits". If you're tired of playing their game, take charge of your life by taking a good look at yourself! You can not change them, but you can change what you do and how you act around them - and ultimately how they affect your life.
><<< I got into bunches of trouble here at Babble, for saying pretty much the same thing, back last November and December..... Sure am glad you earmarked "habits" like you did. I thought I was "alone-in-the-woods" on the topic of "habits".
>...Difficult behavior worked for them as children - and more important, it continues to work for them as adults.
><<< Not so fast. You wouldn't have noticed their behavior if it were really working for them. Truth is their difficult-ness as adults doens't work at all. They just mistakenly think it does. They assume the pain they are in with this known behavior is less than the pain of changing to a hitherto unknown behavior. They feel that they would be loosing part of themselves by changing, whereas, they would be so much more without their dippy "bad-habits". That goes for most of us, toooo!
>> ...Children who can manipulate their parents soon learn to enjoy feelings of power and control over others.
><<< I agree, however, I would like to expand and point out that manipulation is not the bad-word. Control is the bad-word. Management, to be effective, requires a good mnipulator, toooo. So, Management is on the good-end of the manipulation scale and control is on the bad-end of the same scale. And, what's the difference? Motive. Intent. If we intend to manipulate for the "ME! ME! ME!", excluding everyone elses wants and needs, we are "control-freaks!", and hated by most (eg: Hitler). On the other hand, if rewarding performance on the job increases everyone's productivity and the company stays forever in business and prospers, it'll happen because of the manipulation techniques of a good manager.
> Take Action!
>
> Think about the difficult people in your life.
> Identify the behaviors of these difficult people.<<< Also, study their motives, their intent.
> Ask yourself if you could possibly be rewarding these difficult people.
>
<<< Yup! Thaz it!Rod
poster:64bowtie
thread:370348
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/371483.html