Posted by pinkeye on July 13, 2004, at 13:26:21
In reply to A nice session to share, posted by Dinah on July 12, 2004, at 20:04:00
Hi Dinah,
You have been going to therapy for nearly 8 - 9 years right?
I feel 8 - 9 years is a long enough time to start cutting down.
How long can you go on with having therapy to meet your needs? After all, it is a pseudo relationship right? So it might make sense to cut down and start looking for REAL ways to fill you.
Pinkeye.> I've been feeling like maybe I don't need therapy twice a week, at least not when I'm feeling ok. And I've been a bit bored going twice a week.
>
> But the very thought of not needing as much therapy scares me witless.
>
> So that was the topic of today's session, and my therapist handled it superbly. He was obviously pleased at the idea of my growing strong enough and internalizing him enough not to need him as much. But he also understood that I found it terrifying, and why I found it terrifying, and why I found it terrifying even to talk about finding it terrifying.
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> And he was perfect in his response. Not too gung ho about being happy at growth. Assuring me that I could see him once a week if I thought I was ready, at least when I'm feeling well. Or I could continue to see him twice a week for as long as I wanted. Or I could see him three times a week, if I thought that would help me need him more. I'm pretty sure he was teasing me about the three times a week, but I like to be teased.
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> He reassured me that he's found that my progress took a very slow linear path, and that he foresaw me coming to therapy for many years to come. And that I don't *have* to grow up or get stronger if I don't want.
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> And I asked him if maybe he could challenge me a bit more in sessions, because I'd rather be mad at him than not need him. It was way less scary. And he told me that was wise of me. That he was just telling someone that anger wasn't something to be so afraid of, that it was sometimes something that helped rather than hindered a sense of connection. (So I told him about the angry therapist thread.) He asked me if I felt challenged by him at the moment, and seemed a bit surprised when I answered no, not really, and asked him if he was being challenging. (Because even though I was upset and crying, none of it felt like it came from *him*.) And he thought and answered with a laugh that no, he wasn't really being all that challenging.
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> And he's not angry with me for not wanting to need him less.
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> So even though it was a really upsetting session in some ways, it was also gentle and sweet and showed how very very much he understands me.
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> He made discussing it not as scary as I had been afraid it would be, even if he did remind me that there was a time when I would have never had the courage to even allow it to be discussed, never mind bringing it up myself.
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> And I wasn't bored once.
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> And maybe we can work it out so that I won't need him less, which would be best of all.
poster:pinkeye
thread:365484
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/365693.html