Posted by tabitha on July 8, 2004, at 19:18:28
In reply to Attachment struggles - again!, posted by daisym on July 8, 2004, at 15:13:17
Here's a rant about me and my therapist and my attachment experience, because that's pretty much all I think about right now.
I've been told it's a healthy attachment, she's said I'll be here for you as much as you need me, she's let me have sessions with no set time duration, sometimes lasting nearly 3 hours, plus phone support between sessions. My prior therapist left town in the middle of my therapy. She assured me she wasn't going anywhere. I said what if you get hit by a bus, she said I'm not going to get hit by a bus (bit of a conceit, don't you think? she's not immortal.)
Beyond that, she actively encouraged me to have more of an emotional attachment to her. She made some remark about how I was reluctant to admit I had any attachment. I thought 'oh no, I'm not normal. I'm cold. I need to get emotionally attached to my therapist in order to grow as a person.' She told me many clients are more.. not sure the word she used.. but I got the idea they were more affectionate than me. So I made an effort to bond. I started seeing her as my new replacement mother. Now I'm attached. I'm not sure that would have happened if she hadn't encouraged it.
And this all happened right about the time I was feeling like I was pretty stable in my life, and I'd reduced my meds to nearly nothing, and not much was happening anymore in therapy, and I was still a little draggy and depressed at times, but wondering if I needed therapy anymore. In retrospect, maybe that was the time to make a graceful exit?
But anyway.. when they encourage this dependence, and we get into this crazy drama of abandonment/engulfment fear.. I just have to wonder if it's really therapeutic. Sure, we all seem to have this ability to get attached to them, but is it useful to bring it out?
I mean, here I am, an adult, with a huge emotional attachment to a person I know nothing about, and get to see a few hours a week at most, and get to pay a couple hundred dollars every time I need her. That doesn't really sound entirely good does it? Sure the attachment seems OK when it seems to be helping your life. But it's stopped seeming like it's helping, and I'm still stuck with the attachment.
She tells me this is just my trust issue, how when I get close I decide it isn't safe. So it's like a closed system. I'm trapped. If I decide to leave, well that's just proof I haven't resolved my trust issue. It's pretty infuriating.
poster:tabitha
thread:364111
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/364181.html