Posted by Racer on July 1, 2004, at 11:58:08
In reply to Body issues at Work...advice please, posted by B2chica on July 1, 2004, at 10:30:25
Wow, what timing! I'm not working, so I only get it with family members right now, but it is a really tough situation either way. Since mine is family, and we have {ahem} "patterns" regarding this sort of conflict, it's a bit different than with workmates, but here's what I just did:
My aunt -- the human steamroller -- keeps going on at me about eating more. "No, you *have to* eat [x] tonight!" Now, in her case, she really does care about me, but that doesn't make any difference -- just makes it more frustrating. I've said over and over again that my weight and what I eat cannot be a topic of conversation; I've said over and over again that it's not something that is safe to discuss; etc. I've tried. That's where the steamroller part comes in: the more I say, "That's not something we can discuss" the more she says, "I know you don't want to discuss it, BUT..."
With either set of people, though, it comes down to a question of respect. Not the kind of respect "due" a King, for instance -- just the basic human respect everybody should get. The same thing that keeps most people from kicking the white cane out of the blind person's hand. Your workmates aren't showing it to you, in using you as a topic for gossip; and my family isn't showing it to me in trying to "force" me into behavior that meets with their approval.
I finally said to my aunt that it was a situation that required professional treatment; that I was receiving that treatment; and that she and I could discuss it when she received her license to treat eating disorders. (Although, not *quite* in those words...) To do something similar for your specific situation, I think I might find and print out some of those "how NOT to make someone having weight issues *even worse*" things that do exist online and leave some of them lying around at work where some of the offenders might find them. Just, you know, anonymously post a copy on the bulletin board, or something.
Another option, though, is to go to someone you trust, and say, "You know, I don't know how to deal with this -- all the talk about my recent weight loss is causing me a lot of distress, and it's personal, NOT something I want to be a topic for general conversation. Can you help me in any way? Maybe advise me in how to handle the situation? Or even speak to some of the people who keep bringing it up to me?" That might or might not help -- you know your coworkers well enough to figure out whether it will.
Last option is to start a rumor of your own. Best way is to be really secretive -- look sadly as someone across the room and shake your head a little, as if you know something about her that makes you sad... You wouldn't even have to say a word, either, since most gossip cliques like to speculate. Anyone who sees you do it -- be subtle, so no one asks you directly -- will start up, and that should shift the gossip away from you... (Then again, I'm evil that way...)
Last option is to post something on your employee bulletin board saying something like: "Hey, everyone, I know you're concerned about my recent weight loss, but it's a medical problem and not something I really wanna talk about except to my doctor. Please respect that. Thank you for your concern." Again, you know best whether or not that's likely to work for your situation.
Best luck -- and I'm sorry this is going on for you. (And you might try something like Mylanta for the tummy. Or those orange sherbet/vanilla ice cream bars. < they won't help, but they taste good and you can pretend it's medicinal.) GRrrr! That's for the people who won't leave us alone!
poster:Racer
thread:362276
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/362298.html