Posted by gardenergirl on June 20, 2004, at 12:56:50
In reply to Re: Over Attachment Anxiety » daisym, posted by TofuEmmy on June 20, 2004, at 8:32:38
Daisy,
I feel like I am in the same place in therapy. I've been relying on my T more and more, and he's been great. But the more I do, the more child-like and vulnerable I feel. The last few sessions, every time we end and I have to leave, I start crying all over again (or harder if I haven't stopped). It's just so hard to leave that safe place. But when I look at that rationally, I feel like a two-year old whose Mommy is leaving just to go to the store. She'll be back, but meanwhile, I'm scared to death and feel so alone. When I told him this, and how ashamed and weak I felt about it, he said, "we are all two-year-olds."I see his point intellectually, but it always takes some repetition and processing to FEEL it. And this week he pointed out the two sides I have about it: wanting soothing and comfort and safety, but also feeling ashamed of that. He talked directly for a moment to the two-year-old side. Because he says I'm not "at ease" with being needy. Of course I'm not. I was always let down or criticized for needing anything.
And actually, in my post-wake up daydreaming yesterday, I felt the two year old split out for a moment as if I could talk to her. Of course that is scary and she went right back inside. It will be interesting to see what happens with her.
Daisy, (and Poet and others) hearing about your struggles with this makes me feel less ashamed and weak. And it gives me hope that there is somewhere to go with it. I always say I love my inner child, but I think of her as that pure, innocent being. I tend to avoid thinking of her as neglected and needy. sigh
I'm glad to hear how wonderful your T is, Daisy. And I know however hard this is, you will keep working on it. You inspire me.
Take care,
ggPS: maybe we can schedule a play date sometime. :)
poster:gardenergirl
thread:357421
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/358321.html