Posted by Racer on May 4, 2004, at 0:35:41
In reply to More Therapy Junk -- Rant, posted by tabitha on May 3, 2004, at 22:16:46
You're right, you know...
Seriously, I don't know anything at all about solving the problem, but I can tell you that something is wrong and it ain't you. I can also tell you -- this information is no longer classified -- that I have very similar issues. Nope, can't tell you anything about solving them, but I gots 'em.
One thing that I notice, though, in your post is that you're having both sides of a conversation about it. You've already told yourself what your therapist will say, so you don't have to bring it up with her in the first place -- since you already know what she'll say. That might not be the best possible answer, although it is one right answer. (Not a positive, getting better, learning answer, but I already told you you're right, so I don't want to sound inconsistent...)
Here's a specific example from my therapy: I kept hearing, when I said that I was afraid I was hopeless or that I thought my life was hopeless. My (former) therapist would say, "oh, there's always hope!" Guess what? She was trying to offer hope, a nice rope for me to hang on to. Guess what else? Just made me feel as if I was wrong, and no one was listening to me. I included that in a list of fears that I told my new therapist about, complete with that explanation and the suggestion that maybe validating that feeling was the first step, before trying to convince me I was wrong. Maybe -- shock horror -- even helping direct me to finding that sense of hope on my own, rather than just stating The Fact that there's always hope in every possible situation? What a concept! We'll see how that works out, I guess, but at least I was able to verbalize it. That is a start.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not wrong to be upset by this pattern, and it does sound as if you're not getting the validation you need. Sure, you probably should be giving in order to receive, but you know what? There is no rule that says everything in life is a equal trade, and not everyone needs the same thing. I take my mother shopping because she doesn't have a car. Should she rent a car to come and take me shopping in return? (NO! We don't want Mother driving, 'K?) Have you tried to talk to your therapist about feeling so invalidated? Not about a specific situation, but just in general terms? About feeling as if she's dismissing your REAL distress about the group, that you're feeling yourself withdraw from discussing your feelings with her, and that it's interfering with your ability to progress in therapy? It might be worth it. Hard, but worth it.
Good luck to you. And do report back. If you can do it, I wanna know how -- you can be my inspiration!
poster:Racer
thread:343053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343081.html