Posted by tabitha on May 3, 2004, at 22:16:46
I'm so sick of being upset by sessions. Once again having trouble with the group vs individual sessions. In the individual sessions, sometimes I complain about the group or the group members. For a long time she'd just tell me I was disorting or projecting. So I kept swallowing that, and assumed she probably sees them more clearly than I do, and I did get some evidence she was right in some cases, and I learned to re-phrase my complaints to avoid that response (much like Babble.. please be civil.. etc).
Now lately I get a new unhelpful response. Now when I complain about group, she turns my complaint back onto me. Like whatever I'm complaining about, if it's about another group member, she'll point out how I do the same thing. Or if I say I want something from the group that I'm not getting (this is a new area of complaint for me), she'll point out how I don't give that thing to the other group members. Well that really doesn't feel good, and I end up mad at her, and ashamed of whatever it is she's pointed out.
The message I'm getting, and I know she'll tell me this is a distortion, is that the group is all just fine and wonderful, therefore anything I don't like is my fault, it's my problem, and besides I'm not seeing it clearly anyway. Oh, and the new thing, the latest thing, is that I'm not giving enough to the group, so I can't expect to get anything from them. I've just been so PO'd about this all week. I don't want to go to group, and I don't want to go to my next individual session. I just want to not show up ever again. It's so irritating to have to go pay her fee to tell her how mad at her I am, and then have her tell me that whatever upset me is all my own distortion anyway.
And this does mirror a pattern in my relationships. I start out with zero expectations, and things go OK. Then at some point I start letting myself want things from the relationship. I think they're reasonable things to want, but I don't get them, and I get my feelings hurt, and I sometimes just withdraw from the relationship, or sometimes voice it and get into a power struggle that never has a good resolution. I've started to believe people give as much as they're willing to give, and asking for something different doesn't really have much effect. So here I am with the group, I've gotten to the point where I actually want things from them. I at least thought it would be OK to voice that I want these things, even though I don't get them. I didn't expect that voicing my wants would mean I'd get these things, but I thought at least it was OK to have the feelings, and to voice them. Instead, I'm hearing that I'm wrong for wanting those things, and I don't deserve those things, and I should just stuff down my needs and my complaints and give more to others. That can't be right, can it? That's not the healthy relationship recipe that therapists are supposed to hand out.
I can already see where this will go. She'll say oh, I didn't give you that message, who gave you that message? And I'll say, gee, I guess it's my mom. Just once I'd like to be right, and not get another humbling experience of how I distort things and don't see clearly, and if I'm mad at my therapist or the group it's always my own issues. Ya know?
/End rant.
poster:tabitha
thread:343053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040503/msgs/343053.html