Posted by Dinah on April 23, 2004, at 17:13:20
I think I told someone that my therapist waited for me to make the move in wanting to try out changes. Well, today I told him that we had talked about several topics recently where we decided that I would agree that I could conceive that change was possible, even if I hadn't managed to change yet. But that we then moved on and didn't go from talking about change to initiating change.
That led to a long conversation about all change involving the desire to change and the desire for stability, no matter how rotten stable is. And he wanted to know if I really wanted to change or if I wanted to stay the same while wishing things were different. He was in a really good mood today, and framed things in the way I respond to best. If he had told me that I really didn't want to change, I'd have just gotten mad. But he made it all seem very reasonable whichever choice I made (smart man when he's at his best). Anyway, we settled on one topic to attempt change on. And that is my reluctance to perform the social niceties for fear of foisting something unacceptable on others. My desire to be accepted among the parents of my son's classmates and friends so that his social opportunities aren't limited by me is greater than my fear of rejection, I think. So this is a good area for change.
I have several homework assignments. I've been trying to make eye contact with my therapist for the last two sessions, and I let him know that today. He provided ample positive reinforcement for my efforts. He also wants me to try it with other people. He's leaving it up to me whether I choose people I feel close to or perfect strangers.
I might also, and without prompting, try to contact the friend I haven't spoken to for a couple of years and try to arrange a family outing. Would it be cheating to try to reach her when I know she's out?
Ok, so homework assignment number one that I could use some help with is that I'm supposed to come up with one positive affirmation to stick on my mirror. I'm allowed to put the Stuart Smalley one up too, so I can get the laugh over with.
He wanted it to be something like "I'm beautiful inside and I'm beautiful outside too." I wanted it to be something I could actually believe. Like he told me today that he never noticed my skin tags, which I assume are visible at a hundred yards. So I thought something like "My skin tags are not as noticeable as I think." would be a good affirmation, but he says no. He also vetoed a variant on my favorite Weird Al song "I'm almost everything I ever wanted. I'm not perfect, but I love me anyhow." He says it can't be posed as a negative, like "I'm not as ugly as I think I am." or "People don't flee at the sight of me."
He wants me to use the most positive thought that I can even conceive might possibly be true or that I might one day believe is possibly true and kick it up a notch into unbelievability. I think that's stupid.
Since the topic is social acceptability, I don't suppose the fact that I'm smart and good at my work (when I'm functional) can be the topic. I suspect he wants me to include my looks, but maybe I can get some leeway on that one.
I'm thinking something like "I'm smart and interesting and quirky. People would enjoy meeting and getting to know me."
Do you think that's sufficiently positive? How can I kick it up a notch without gagging?
He was really terrific today. I like it when he's relaxed and in a good mood. And he made even me feel like he valued me, by apologizing profusely for getting out of the habit of holding a space for me on Tuesdays and telling me that if I saw him this one Monday, he'd make sure he cleared space on Tuesdays to see me. :) Another of those silly little things that make me feel good.
poster:Dinah
thread:339272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339272.html