Posted by shadows721 on April 22, 2004, at 22:26:33
In reply to Not being understood, posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2004, at 20:02:29
"WE started off with a great example. I had a couple of short bits of good news, and then I said WE had some choices about what to talk about (and I listed them)."
It's not WE had some choices. It's YOU. What did you "feel" you needed to talk about? It's fine to bring in a list of things you need to talk about, but the list is just for you. The focus is on what you need. I think that's what he meant by saying he just wants you to talk about what you feel. Maybe, he thinks you are bringing in the list for him.
"Why is it that I can't seem to figure out how to *DO* this therapy thing? Why am I always doing it the wrong way - even when I am trying my hardest to follow his directions? Why does it feel like I just can't win?"
Therapy isn't like school. There's no passing or failing. There's no strict instructions. There's no perfect way to "do" therapy. Therapy is about being yourself and bringing into therapy what really needs to be covered for you.
It's appears to me that it is you that doesn't understand what he is saying. I think he does understand you. It looks like you are trying to appease or receive his approval. Also, it appears that you are punishing yourself by saying you are failing with him.
I don't know why, but I get a feeling here. I think this guy is reminding you of a parent or a teacher that couldn't be pleased. Think about that. Does it fit? Was there a person in your past that you tried to do things just right and still was critized? Did you feel that they never understood you?
You aren't doing anything wrong. It seems you are trying to therapy "right" for the t and not for you. This is all about you. What brought you into therapy? Is that being addressed? Where are your feelings? Are they being acknowledged by you? Are you allowing yourself to show emotion in t or do you just analyze yourself? Do you feel safe with this t in expressing painful emotions and/or memories? Shift you focus off of being the "perfect" client and focus on what do you need to help you with what brought you into therapy?
As for reading and re-reading your posts, does that make you "feel" better to do that? If it does, that's okay.
Maybe an issue you have is really about trying to please people or meeting their needs and it's foreign to you to meet your own. Focusing on what you need is new territory. You will get the hang of it. Just let go of trying to say everything right and doing things right. Just be your uniquely beautiful self. Maybe next time, don't go in with a script or a list, just go in an talk about what problems brought you initial into therapy. Also, I get the feeling that you are unconfortable in this situation where the center of attention is you, your feelings, and your issues.
What do you think?
poster:shadows721
thread:338953
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339007.html