Posted by MrSandman on April 19, 2004, at 3:17:22
In reply to Re: I can't find it funny, but... » MrSandman, posted by Racer on April 17, 2004, at 13:43:12
Racer:
Thanks for your prompt, thorough response. It's further evidence- along with your year of heroically clinging to a carousel that appears to be accelerating ever faster on a journey to nowhere- that you're committed to feeling better.
Your negative thoughts seem to cascade so rapidly...that's not an accusation, just an observation. (I've spent time in that hell, too.) Just as you begin to defend yourself against one of them, along comes another surge, and you're drowning in emotional pain.
You describe a good amount of your misery being caused by some pretty specific self- accusatory thoughts, which come in rapid-fire succession. From your previous post:<Now I'm kicking myself for running out of the group early today, for failing miserably -- again -- to Do The Right Thing for my recovery, for thinking that it's anyone's fault but my own, and for my general failure in life.>
There seems to be a direct causal relationship between the several thoughts and the feeling:
1. I ran out on the group.
2. I've failed miserably, again.
3. I've failed to Do The Right Thing for my recovery.
4. My failure (running out) is all my fault.
5. I am a general failure in life.THEREFORE, I am kicking myself. ( Full of self -loathing, involuntary and voluntary, apparently well-deserved...though we all know that later on you'll be kicking yourself for kicking yourself.)
The promising thing I see is that you have the insight to identify which thoughts caused you to hurt (and then to hurt yourself even more, etc.)A lot of people can't do that.
It's hard to fight emotions with logic. You stand a much better chance of fighting the thoughts that cause them with logic. Try joining your defense team for a change. There's not much elbow room over at the prosecution table. Allow me to speak in your defense against the above allegations:1. I ran out of the group. (You did leave the group. That's no crime. You felt it was hurting you. People run when they feel threatened. Maybe your instincts were good.)
2. I've failed, miserably, again. (Failed? Miserably? At worst you made a mistake that you can correct next time the group meets. It was a new situation- people often mess up the first time around. Again? Have your previous "failures" been this trifling? Lucky you.)
3.I've failed to Do The Right Thing for my recovery. ( Is The Right Thing to show up on time and sit through a meeting you believe to be harmful? Does compliance with a treatment plan made by a Dr. you don't trust, based on a diaagnosis you don't agree with, necessarily lead to recovery? If the two goals are in conflict, do you choose compliance or recovery?)
4. My failure is all my fault. (Oh, really? Did the Dr. perhaps misdiagnose you? Did she send you to a group which you don't need ,or for which she failed to prepare you? Maybe the other group members weren't considerate of the needs of a newcomer.)
5. I am a general failure in life. ( You've been handed some tremendous challenges. You are attempting to overcome them in the best ways you know how. These haven't worked yet, but you're out here online trying to learn how better to help yourself. Meanwhile, you're giving good
advice and support to others...I may concede
that you're a general failure at evaluating the quality of your life!)THEREFORE,
I'm kicking myself. (Are you still kicking yourself after reading your "defense?")Anyway, that's a little technique you might want to try for isolating the irrationally negative thoughts and arguing against them in the hope of reducing the misery they cause. As you can see, my rebuttals were based largely on your own reflections. But there's something powerful about seeing a wrongheaded thought side by side with its rebutttal. You don't have to do this in "real time." It's fine to do just as you did above, recounting a cascade of negative thoughts and feelings from earlier in the day, last week, whenever.
If you think this sort of thing might be helpful, take a look at David Burns's "Feeling Good Handbook". (links below, via the notorious "double double quotation marks."
Anyway, this is one of the ways in which you can begin to help yourself. Don't expect great results right away. But the sooner you get started the closer you'll be to the results you want.
poster:MrSandman
thread:336453
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/337633.html