Posted by MrSandman on April 17, 2004, at 1:43:56
In reply to I can't find it funny, but..., posted by Racer on April 15, 2004, at 16:10:41
Racer:
You get extra credit..a tragifarcical scenario AND a ridiculous one-liner. Moreover, you totally get my theme.
I kowtowed to the sages time and again before I finally heard the blooper that set me on the path to freedom. Like you I often was strongly advised to take a Great Leap Forward that resulted in higher anxiety , deeper fatigue, and a greater sense of failure...a spiraling into learned helplessness that squelched my own inner voice and made me ever more willing to believe that only experts could know what was right for me.
Looking back, it wasn't just the episodes of failure that made me feel worse- it was also that I , a free adult allowed myself to be browbeaten by people I had hired to help me become stronger and more independent!
I don't know your history, and I know very little about Borderline Personality Disorder or its treatment. I do have a few observations and questions:1.Athough you are allegedly out of touch emotionally , your message displays quite a range and intensity of emotions totally congruent with your thoughts.
2.The most severe acute symptom expressed in your post is anxiety ( "terrified and traumatized"). As a survival mechanism, one of anxiety's purposes is to override all other thoughts and feelings. Anxiety speeds my thoughts and feelings up to a tempo that makes them difficult to isolate and recognize individually. It seems that specific treatment to reduce your anxiety might allow you to recognize and experience your emotions more fully.
3.You also seem filled with a sense of shame and failure. That and your overeagerness to please suggest low self esteem and/or depression. Are you getting any specific treatment? Have you tried cognitive therapy?
3. Yesterday I was reading some wise practical advice you were giving to 1980Monroe.Is it possible for you to extend that compassion and common sense to yourself? What kind of steps, no matter how small, would you recommend for yourself? Why not "go with your gut" for a week or two and see if things begin to look just a little bit brighter?
poster:MrSandman
thread:336453
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/337090.html