Posted by Pandabear on April 3, 2004, at 17:03:18
My Therapist asked me in front of my psychiatrist if I was angry at them and I said yes. Now, Im scared to death because I dont know how to address it. Even though I said I was angry, Im really not angry at them. Im frustrated and scared but im angry at myself for not being able to agree with them. They feel Im bipolar...( i mentioned this in another post)...now, i have to go try and clear up why im angry at them...I made a quck decision to NOT come in to see them until I get my second opinion which is in less than 2 weeks..but now, I want to talk to my therapist to clear this up. The problem is...I have to sing on april 9th at my church and right now i cannot sing without bursting into tears...Im so worried that I will get up in front of the church and not be able to sing. If i knew that i would be able to clear things up for the best before I were to sing..then I would be ok..but i dont see that happening...I dont want my therapist to be annoyed at me for being rebellious about not taking my medicine ..and I dont want her to change the way she feels about me...(she tells me that she likes me and I like to know that people like me..) but, when she was talking to me...I felt like I was being attacked by both of them and it scared me. I didnt get emotional but she did remark about how she could tell I was on the verge of tears.
I want so badly to be able to get emotional with her and to talk it all out but i cannot...im so worried about loosing it with her or getting too emotional ..which i have done before but now that she is frustrated with me...it is awkward for me. I know she has my best interest in mind but Im so frustrated. Im scared that she will want to hospitalize me for not taking my medicine but im not a threat to myself or others. I just feel that my psychiatrist will throw me in the hospital because she is so frustrated with me. She was trying to reveal to me how bad my co dependency is. Every last sentence I had ..I was trying to care-take her or my therapist..and it was horrible..it was making me so self conscious...I couldnt even talk..It was like they were pushing by buttons wanting me to explode..and I want to Im just scared that they will put me in the hospital...I dont know what to do. Im really scared. :(
poster:Pandabear
thread:332153
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040402/msgs/332153.html