Posted by DaisyM on April 1, 2004, at 10:33:47
In reply to Potential Unconscious, posted by fallsfall on April 1, 2004, at 8:33:28
Oh Falls...I know you are working as hard as you can to understand why you feel depressed and to find a way to feel better.
You explanation of the unconscious theory is very clear -- not being able to see what is not part of your reality. And I think you are on the right track by trying to force yourself to be open to new ideas and possibilities.
This is where the "magic" of therapy comes in. If you give yourself over to the dependency and trust of your therapist, then you feel safer in expanding your world view. The internal forces to fight against this are humongous...so strongly entrenched in all of us. Especially those of us who split. And many times those around us support our desire to be free of pain...to not re-create ourselves because "we" are just fine and great and the re-creation is what is seeming to cause the pain. I think it is likely to be painful and scary to climb out of the box and I know your anxiety must be really high. You are brave to undertake this.
I hear the anguish in your final few sentences...and yes, going three times a week DOES demonstrate that you don't want to be depressed. But remember, you just said that you need to be open to the motivators being outside of what you know about yourself. You are working hard with what you do know. Going 3x/week should provide more opportunities to learn what you don't know. It will take time, these ideas don't just hit and stick. Even after they make sense to our brain, our feelings might still reject things. What doesn't resonate immediately as true can be internally rejected without you even being aware of it.
Example: You and I have talked a lot about how responsible I feel about being sexual abused. I KNOW as an adult, and a professional who works with children, that it is NEVER the child's fault. But the little kid in me rejects that blanket statement...she feels shame and guilt and wonders how she let this happen to her. There is a disconnect between my brain and my gut still. But I'm working on it.I want to say again how brave I think you are. Reach out for support as often as you need it, we'll all be here for you.
(((Fallsfall)))
poster:DaisyM
thread:331212
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/331259.html