Posted by Karen_kay on March 30, 2004, at 12:49:16
About not helping the homeless as much as I felt I should have. And I thought Bubba was going to drop dead. I've never cried in therapy. And people were saying they would have taken them out for food and I cried harder. Or that they would have ignored them, and I cried more. It broke my heart. I did leave food for people. And if some asked for smokes, I gave. And I gave bus tickets. But, I still don't feel that I did enough. (And I've been to cities before, and it's just not affected me this much, but I've never not given money before) But, people were saying that they didn't always trust homeless, that some were hustlers and that hurt. I don't care if I give money to people who in turn buy liquor. Firstly, I don't assume they would. And secondly, I don't care if they do. They need it more than I do. I would give to help them. And I didn't. And that's what's hurting me right now.
Then, someone said, "Why do you think it hurts you so much?" And I said, "Bubba, what do you think?" He said, "I think it comes from your need to be taken care of." Everyone kept saying that I didn't need to give money to help them though. That I could have done other things. And that hurts too, because I felt so bad for not giving them money that I didn't talk to them. It stil hurts, but I'm not crying, as long as I don't think about it too much. Everyone says "When you are in a position to help, you will" BUT aren't I? I have more than they do. Things like this just really get to me. They really do. Any help in this would be appreciated. But, I honestly don't want it to not affect me either, as I don't want to lose my empathy either. Does it effect anyone else this much? I just feel really guilty and helpless sometimes.
poster:Karen_kay
thread:330352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/330352.html