Posted by fallsfall on March 29, 2004, at 21:58:44
In reply to it is done, posted by toomuchpain on March 29, 2004, at 14:19:38
I am so proud of you. That took a lot of courage. I wish that all your pain would just go away now.
so now that all this is over where do i go ??
*** The suggestion to take care of yourself was a really good one (I'm partial to ice cream, myself). You will get a new T, and I bet that your new T will be very competent. S/He will help you.
how do i trust ??
*** This is a really hard question. I tend to trust blindly and hope for the best. I still do this even after a very difficult termination with my previous therapist. I guess I don't know how to *not* trust. I guess you have to start slowly with your new therapist. You could spend a lot of time asking why you should trust him/her - and see what s/he says. I think that you will also be able to tell something about your new T by how they react to your story (your second T didn't seem to give your feelings any weight at all). There are some people in the world who are NOT trustworthy. Unfortunately, you have had close contact with too many of them. But there are also trustworthy people. I hope that you can believe that and try to stay open to the possibility that your new T is trustworthy.
how do i forgive myself for doing this to him ?
*** You did nothing to him. You simply told the truth. He has always known that what he was doing was wrong, but he kept doing it. He went into this with his eyes wide open. Don't feel badly for him - he chose this.
does the pain sunside when closure actually happens?
*** I think it takes a long long time for the pain to subside. I haven't seen my old therapist for 8 months now, and I'm still scared to run into her. But I never said goodbye to her, so I guess I haven't had closure. Maybe I'll ask YOU that question in 6 months, and see what you say.
does my ex t hate me because of this ??
*** If he does then he is very misguided. He made the mistakes, not you. All you did was tell the truth. Most (reasonable) people won't hate you for telling the truth - but he has proven that he isn't reasonable, so I don't know. I do believe that he has NO REASON to hate you. If he's going to hate anyone, it should be himself.
will i ever be me again?
*** You ARE you. And I'm so glad. I'm sorry that you were hurt so much. But I think that you have demonstrated just how wonderful a person you are. You had been through so much pain, yet you still stood up for "right". I think you should want to keep that quality.
*** What part of you do you think you have lost?
questions that are running around in this head of mine .....
*** What a confusing time. So many intense emotions. Please know that you did a good thing - the pursuit of truth is always a good thing. Please be extra nice to yourself for a while. You deserve it.
poster:fallsfall
thread:327700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/330119.html