Posted by Noni on March 28, 2004, at 6:04:18
In reply to Re: self-harm ... well sort of, posted by Sabina on October 8, 2003, at 0:35:20
Sabina, that's awful. Have you told your husband how hurt you are by his comments? Perhaps he doesn't realise. My former therapist rebuked me for self-harming, and that upset me, until I asked myself what on earth she was doing taking my money for therapy if she couldn't deal with my issues. So I dumped the therapist and got a new one. Point being: I think that far from accepting shame from your husband, it is really he who should be ashamed for not being able to deal supportively with his wife's problems.
I have a friend who used to self harm and then stopped because she 'felt better'. As far as I know, she doesn't do it anymore. I self harm, but there was a gap of a few years when I didn't and actually found it inconceivable that I could ever have done it. So, I think it may be possible to just stop. I do think, though, that you need to address your lack of self-worth in positive, reaffirming ways. I'm not sure how you do this (I have the same problem), but I think the higher your sense of self-worth, then the less likely you are to start self-harming again. Is there anything you can do for yourself that would make you think more of yourself? Starting a course or some kind of study or activity that you've always wanted to do, achieving some kind of goal, challenging others' putdowns? I think the last is the hardest, but perhaps the most important. I'm still working on it.
I'm not sure if any of this helps. I just hope that you don't convince yourself that starting self-harming again is inevitable. It's not.
Noni
> i did this for many years, to a greater or lesser extent, with my fingers (and sometimes my feet). last year, my husband told me that it was disgusting. i stopped immediately, and haven't done it since. what confuses me is that i've taken up nothing to replace it. i often wonder where and how in the world a decades long unconscious habit could disappear to? part of me is afraid that i've internalized the shame i felt from his rebuke and it's still in there somewhere, contributing to my general level of self hatred. he has also told me that he would be more attracted to me if i weighed less. i'm not even that overweight, but it's nearly killed my sense of self worth. i hate i gave him that power over me. hopefully, i will be able to deal with this in therapy.
poster:Noni
thread:265627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/329367.html