Posted by noa on March 27, 2004, at 11:16:32
In reply to Re: admiting to stalking u T, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2004, at 18:01:46
I think that there is also a difference, perhaps only as a matter of degree, between trying to satisfy curiosity and stalking. To me, accessing public info or even going by a house once out of curiosity isn't really stalking (BTW, I have a hard time understanding why some therapists don't take advantage of either unlisted numbers or omitting their street address from the listing, which is an option). Stalking, to me, has a connotation of repeated behaviors, and a connotation of repeatedly acting on curiosity or obsessive feelings, and perhaps escalation---minor testing of boundaries at first, followed by bigger and bigger boundary violations.
I guess to me, the important thing is to ask yourself if you feel you can control acting out the longings. Can you satisfy your curiosity and then stop acting it out, even if you are feeling it very strongly?
I agree with fallsfall who recommends talking about the feelings in therapy, even expressing the desire for a photo, or talking about the temptation to get close to the therapist in real life. That way you are keeping it in the therapy session and it can be worked on. I think talking about it IN therapy can actually help develop more self-control so as not to act on the feelings in real life.
I drove by my therapist's house two times early in the therapy. I confessed it immediately because of several reasons: first, I usually can't lie or decieve my therapist--it just would feel awful. Second, I felt like it would be a relief to talk about it in therapy rather than be plagued by the temptation to do it again, and three, I knew it was important for my treatment to talk about the feelings that made me so curious about him and his life. He was very understanding and did not show any sign of feeling threatened when I told him. We processed the feelings and he helped me feel so much less ashamed of the longing that led me to drive by his house. I think I must have talked about feeling afraid that I might not be able to control such urges, because I remember that he did say something about seeing me as a person with good boundaries so he wasn't worried about me violating his boundaries, or something like that. I don't know if he would feel differently if he didn't see me as someone with good boundaries. Maybe he would have reacted differently. I also think he was reinforcing the good boundary part of me by saying that, of course.
poster:noa
thread:324038
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/329051.html