Posted by lonelygirl on March 25, 2004, at 2:55:24
In reply to FEELING INVISABLE, posted by Fallen4myT on February 6, 2004, at 13:21:52
I know I am replying to this several weeks later, but I totally know how you feel about being invisible. Sometimes I wonder if there is some kind of force field around me that prevents people from returning my calls or responding to my e-mails (that is just a joke, I am not that paranoid; I know that it's really just because I am not important enough to anyone for them to pay any attention to me). I understand people in real life hating me, but I have never been able to understand how even people on the internet seem to hate me instantly. It seems like on message boards (except this one, everyone is so great here), nobody ever replies to me, and as soon as I reply to a topic, it dies. I hate it so much, and I don't get it, because these people don't even know who I am or what I look like! Also, nobody ever reads my LiveJournal. I write pages upon pages and it just floats off into nothing because nobody reads it. I have just two people on my friends list and I read every one of their entries but they rarely read mine and hardly ever comment.
You would probably never guess, from how I am on this board, how shy and reserved I am in real life. Not only do I not need to be the center of attention, but I hate being the center of attention. I hate having people see me. My only relief comes when I go back to my room and close the door behind me and I am alone.
I hate it when I feel so needy. I think attention is sort of addicting in a way and I get so greedy about it :-( Like this, I keep dumping all of my problems here, and I don't mean to but I just don't have anyone to talk to about anything. Even my psychologist, I can talk to him about some things (I only get to see him 1 hour a week anyway), but then I need to talk to someone about him!
Sometimes I can block out the loneliness, but sometimes I just can't. I am just so completely alone in the world. I don't have any friends and I bet if I died nobody would notice for at least a week. I once left school for a semester to do an internship and not a single person from school ever asked me about it or realized that I wasn't there. It is so hard to go through life knowing that you don't really matter to anyone. Sometimes I just wish somebody would hold me but there is nobody who will.
Anyway, there I go rambling on and on again but this is such an old thread anyway that nobody's probably going to read it.
poster:lonelygirl
thread:310190
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/328091.html