Posted by Racer on March 23, 2004, at 8:51:35
In reply to Re: Self Depreciating/DINAH AND RACER, posted by Fallen4myT on March 23, 2004, at 0:33:38
Being able to say "Thank you" is a big deal. If you want to try an experiment, think about how you feel when someone tells you you're pretty and you say Thank you. Now, imagine if someone told you that, say, a comment you made was insightful. Can you imagine feeling the same way about that? Or if someone complimented you on something you've made. Can you bring that same feeling up and say Thank you?
I, personally, am terminably insecure. I do a lot of things, but I can't take credit for them. For one thing, they're not right, no matter how hard I try. I sew, and a lot of people are impressed by that. They see a blouse that I've made, and say, "Wow! That's amazing, you're really good!" I can't accept that, because I know what's wrong with it. I try not to point out the mistakes, but that's about the best I can do. I teach, and that's one thing I can be pretty healthy about: when someone tells me I'm a good teacher, I can say, "Thank you," but then I have to qualify it: "I try hard, and I've been fortunate to have some great students to teach me how to do it better." And I can't accept "pretty" compliments. (And a lot of compliments leave me feeling patronized. {{shrug}} With great effort, I can accept specific compliments about specific acheivements, but open-ended compliments leave me feeling as if the person giving them isn't able to say something specific, and is just saying it as a sort of dismissive pat on the head. Guess we all have our little peculiarities.)
Here's a view from smartsville for you: I'd rather be capable than smart, and I'd say there's more predictive value in trying than in having native smarts. There are a lot of smart people out there who never accomplish anything at all, but there are also a lot of people who score in the average range on IQ tests who achieve great things. Don't worry about where you fit on the bell curve of intelligence, worry about whether you -- no one else, just YOU -- feel as if you are doing what you can do. Intelligence is highly overrated, and misunderstood, and is truly about as meaningful as hair color. Can you think your way out of a paper bag? If so, you're certainly smart enough to be successful, so it's not something to beat yourself up over. (And those of us who scored well on tests at any time will tell you, a high score on IQ tests just gives us one more thing to berate ourselves over.)
So, big hugs, and I hope this helped. If you want to find out more about IQ, try the book "The Mismeasure of Man" by Stephen Jay Gould. If you're not familiar with his work, he can be a bit difficult to read, but if you can get through it (I mostly can, though I bog down here and there -- NOT a sign of reader failure), it can help put your mind at ease. Also, if you really think you're just not too smart, go get your IQ tested: it's probably higher than you think. (My mother thought she was dim, all her life, until she finally got her IQ tested and scored in the top two percent. All those years of insecurity. Go figure.)
Good luck, and let me know if I can clarify anything.
poster:Racer
thread:327207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/327333.html