Posted by Racer on March 22, 2004, at 23:47:20
In reply to Self Depreciating, posted by Fallen4myT on March 22, 2004, at 22:10:53
I think it's partly a depression thing, partly a societal thing in America, and partly a Girl Thing. If you watch a lot of people, self-depreciatory behavior is more common in women, and the women who don't do it are often called by less than complimentary names. Men, overall, are far more likely to express their abilities openly. (For instance, I think most women have heard some man some time tell them that he's great in bed -- when was the last time you heard a woman say that?)
We do live in a puritanical, protestant based culture. That's where we get that whole work-ethic, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, anyone can get anywhere through hard work, etc. It doesn't mean that any of us are protestants, nor puritans, just that this country prides itself on the virtues espoused by our Founding Fathers, and those values were based in Puritanism. (Who was it who said that Puritanism was the deep fear that someone, somewhere, might be having fun?) Part of that ethic is that we're not supposed to blow our own horns. We're supposed to be modest, hard working, God fearing, etc. There's a distrust of saying, "Hey, I'm really good at this!" Some of us take that a little too far, of course, and it does seem to have a strong correlation with depression.
(Hey, I'm the one who, when Dr EyeCandy said I was a perfectionist, rejected the notion since I don't do anything perfectly. You wanna get depressed? Realize that you're a failure at being a perfectionist!)
The woman thing is harder, because it really is based on an artificial model of what is Womanly. Think about this one specific example: if you see a man who keeps his mouth slightly open most of the time, you probably think he's a little immature and not too bright. Yet, for some reason, when a woman keeps her mouth open that way, she's much more likely to be seen as sexy. Why? Maybe because it's a sign of domestication? The woman is more like an immature male, so she's sexy. That's just my theory about what causes it, but the phenomena is real and has been studied to some extent.
Then there's the depression part of it. Gee, I can't even be sick right! I drive my doctor nuts, and he's sick of me... That part is really, really difficult to get past, but we gotta do it in order to recover. {{sigh}} One thing that helped me with this same sort of issue was to step back, think about how I reacted to people who are self-depreciating, and what I'd feel more comfortable hearing from them. (Since I use my students as models for this, it's OK to say I want to hear something from them. In fact, I often tell my adolescent girls that they need to tell me three things they did well before their lesson ends. Let me tell you, it is damned hard for most of them. The boys only seem to have trouble limiting themselves to three things!)
I hope my rambings here helped you. Good luck!
poster:Racer
thread:327207
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/327253.html