Posted by lonelygirl on March 19, 2004, at 22:25:53
In reply to Re: Questions about transference » lonelygirl, posted by spoc on March 19, 2004, at 9:48:21
Thank you so much for replying :)
> I don't think that IS how combination treatment (half talk and half meds) should go! Sounds like you were diverted from the talking part prematurely and put only into a "med management" maintenance thing. I wouldn't get disillusioned from how it went down, maybe as a "youth" decisions are made for us that aren't right.
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Well, I wasn't exactly cooperative with the "talk" part of it. Actually, I wasn't cooperative with the meds part, either -- but it is easier to pretend I am than fight about it. I guess I am less concerned about that than about the fact that everyone seems to think that they are going to throw pills at me for the rest of my life and somehow that will (and already does) make everything ok. It really did make me disillusioned about everything, because I determined that nobody really listened/understood/cared about what my real problems were, and didn't have any real answers to offer me. I have continued to have this perception of all psychologists and psychiatrists, up to and including my mandatory counseling at school. Despite my initial resistance, though, this guy (my current psychologist) actually seemed like he "got" it, and what he said actually seemed to make sense.
>You mentioned in your other post that this pdoc and your current psychotherapist don't know about each other. I'm not sure how -- if ever -- this works, but maybe you could request for them to "pair" for you. OR -- since this pdoc is irrelevant to you and you don't take the meds, maybe you could just go with whoever the campus doc would use, if you are interested in trying meds again....
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Well, for starters, I am not interested in trying meds again. If I were, my current psychiatrist is fine. I have the meds and I could take them right now if I wanted (but I don't). Also, there are even more complications with this situation that would make it pretty unlikely for a "pairing" to work. First of all, I attend school in a different state from where my parents live. The psychiatrist is where my parents live, and paid for by their insurance (as are the meds). I go in to get refill prescriptions when I go home for school breaks.The psychologist is at my school's health center (in a different state from the psychiatrist). Plus, my parents don't even know that I am going. They don't even know anything about how I got in trouble and was forced to go. I'm pretty sure they would never in their wildest dreams imagine me going voluntarily.
But this brings up another question... Should I tell the psychologist about the situation with the psychiatrist? I have not told him I am supposed to be on meds, or that I ever was (though he does know that I have been to other psychologists and not had good experiences). I will definitely not tell the psychiatrist about the psychologist (if she even cared anyway), but I am not sure if I should tell the psychologist. I don't know what he would think of that. Unfortunately, I think the more I tell him, the crazier he realizes I am. Might he get mad at me, either for not taking the meds or for lying about it? (I can't remember if I technically lied, because if the question is whether I am TAKING any medication, the truthful answer is no, but I can't remember if there were further questions about that.)
>Maybe this is an opportunity for you to work through what has felt like rejection from men. For instance if initial idealization has anything to do with it, maybe you'll see why you "pick" who you do and why it ends up hurting. (Armchair logic, watch out!)
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Wellllll... I don't really think it is as complicated as all that. The bottom line is that I am overweight and unattractive, and no matter who I "pick," he doesn't like me. I don't think it's about picking the wrong guys -- there just are no "right" guys.
>Maybe there is a common life theme in there you really should work through, but perhaps not first, with someone inexperienced? Could you bring yourself to, after getting another opinion, ask the campus doc flat out if for your own sake maybe you should switch?
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Although he just recently got his Ph.D., he is not that inexperienced. He counseled at the health center (under the supervision of a licensed counselor) for more than a year before he was licensed, and maybe even somewhere else before that.So... Does he probably know that I "love" him? I mean, he is young (somewhere around 30, give or take a couple years), intelligent, and nice. I can't possibly be the first one to feel this way about him. I assume, then, that there is a reason he is basically ignoring the whole issue.
>But as if everything would play out on cue in accordance with the textbook model of transference in general, my pdoc forced situations in order to believe he was feeling to me like all the key problematic figures in my life (whom he identified and overgeneralized about based on two initial sessions).
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OVERRULED, LOL! That would really piss me off :)This kind of reminds me of something else he said to me. He was talking about "projections." Is that considered related to transference? I asked him why everyone is so scared of me, and he said that maybe it is because I am so reserved that people don't know very much about me, so they "fill in the blanks" by "projecting" other ideas onto me -- for example, when they find out that I got in a verbal argument with another girl (which was what got me sent to counseling in the first place), they think of me as someone who is "always" arguing with other people, etc.
THEN, he started talking about how he experiences people "projecting" feelings onto him. He said that sometimes, when people get sent to him as I was (i.e., against their will), they view him as "the man," and he personifies to them the strong arm of the law coming down on them, so they get mad at him even though he has done nothing bad to them. He also said that sometimes, people have unreasonable expectations of him being able to wave his magic wand and instantly "cure" them, and when he can't do that, they get mad and "project" the blame for their original problems onto him. Something like that...
Geez, there I go rambling on and on again. :(
poster:lonelygirl
thread:323332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/326304.html