Posted by spoc on March 19, 2004, at 10:36:04
In reply to Re: Therapists and compassion/interaction-Peg, Pfi » spoc, posted by Crooked Heart on March 19, 2004, at 4:16:23
Crooked Heart, the book summary you gave already did wonders for me in itself. I can't stress enough that I'm seeing that this board and thread really do have the potential to help heal. And I think it is unique amongst boards, in that almost always someone chimes in to present another view; stop a slanted downward spiral that could discourage others; etc.
I really do think I will put my unhappy experience in perspective much faster now and be less likely to store it with the things in my life that have felt like negative reflections on my character and substance. I just hope I can hurry up and snap out of the behaviors that have followed this upset...Retreating into myself and my computer as everything and everyone around me (and even myself physically) are unattended to.
Since I was so completely left to my own devices/imagination for so long with that analyst who wouldn't respond to direct and timely questions, I wondered if maybe he didn't want to ever "reward" or be positive with me because he might have jumped to the conclusion that instead I'm the type who needs to be knocked down from some ego trip or "attention seeking" behavior. I just couldn't imagine any other reason to treat/react to someone that way. But I wish he knew that in reality it is massively hard for me to ask for help or even small favors on any level whatsoever and I keep everything inside from friends and family (in the solitude of 'writing' on my computer, it's obviously another story). It's gotten to the point that I can't hide or deny that I'm disappearing more and more, and try as I might I know I sound different when I finally have to return those accruing phone calls or else someone will probably send the police over here. But that pdoc was the only person I opened up to or asked for help, an ear, or for a little "validation," which went against my twisted sense of pride and empowerment through self-blame (responsibility) to begin with. Which are big parts of what I need help with. But he taught me only to redouble (triple, quadruple) my tendency to be an island unto myself and not to seek a lift or kind word from any other.
BUT you are all helping to head that off at the pass, and I thank you.
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> Hi Spoc
>
> I'm in the middle of reading a book called "Falling into therapy" by Anna Sands. The author's experience sounds very similar to yours. Her first experience of therapy with a rigidly psychoanalytic therapist left her disoriented, undermined, her confidence shattered; a teacher and author of educational textbooks, she was for a while unable to function. (Her mental health previously had been OK, she went into therapy to help her 'become a better wife and mother'.)
>
> She later went to a therapist with a very different approach and had a much happier and very productive experience.
>
> This book was published in the UK. I'm not sure whether it would be available in the US without a whopping postal charge. In fact, it might be too depressing to read anyway :( If you're interested I'll try to do a summary when I've finished reading it. (Could be a while, I should *not* even be posting here now, there are deadlines I need to meet.) I suppose what I'm thinking is that it's such a relief when you find that you're not the only one, that other people have had similar experiences.
>
> That you still have to PAY for this in money as well makes it that much worse. What would happen if you refused to?
poster:spoc
thread:323332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/325995.html