Posted by fallsfall on March 14, 2004, at 16:24:02
In reply to Re: I hate therapy (rant) (long) » fallsfall, posted by Elle2021 on March 14, 2004, at 12:16:39
> From now on, when she is mad, I'm going to come right out and ask her. The only question now is...will I believe her if she tells me she isn't? If she isn't mad, then what can I fix?
>
*** Maybe you don't need to "fix" anything. My therapist did spend a *lot* of time convincing me that he was telling me the truth about not being mad. If you don't believe her, you should tell her that you don't believe her.
>
> > >...I told her that I hated it because there were things I wanted to tell her, but couldn't yet because I don't know how to deal with the feelings yet. We talked about how I am completely 100% out of touch with my feelings. She wants to start "working on that." Uh-huh... I can see that happening.
>
> Well she said that she agreed with me, that if I was going to using cutting as a coping mechanism then she thought it was a bad idea to discuss certain things until I get back in touch with my feelings. It's hard to describe exactly how *out* of touch I am. I am so used to completely disociating myself from what I'm feeling and replacing it with something...more easy to deal with (more superficial).
>
*** OK, I misunderstood. I thought that you were not talking about things because you thought that you had to sort out all the feelings before you could bring it up. (It still stinks not to be able to talk about certain things with your therapist...)> I had also made an agenda of what I wanted to discuss, which I also forgot. So when I came into the session and she asked if there was something in particular to talk about, I said no...can you believe that. UGH!
*** UGH! is right!
>
> >It's a different way of looking at therapy - instead of "presenting" myself for her approval, I am *living* in the session (and we are both observing what that "living" looks like).
>
> Well this is what I need to learn to do! I definitely go in there and present the "guaranteed to be approved version" of myself. I'd like to go in there and just tell her I feel miserable, I want to come to see her not just once a week, but every single day. I'm not sure I'm going to get fixed here. I'm half-way convinced she's are going to dump me if I don't quit cutting. (I've decided to quit telling her about the cutting). It would be SO nice to be that honest with her. I think MAYBE I might be able to do that at my next session.
>
*** I definately think that you should be that honest with her. If you *can't* trust her (to help you even when you aren't your guaranteed approved version, to keep seeing you if you cut, etc.), then maybe you would rather know that sooner rather than later. Last week I knew I needed to tell him something mega-bad about myself. I didn't want to, but I knew that he couldn't really help me if I wasn't honest with him. I decided ahead of time to tell him (and told a friend, so that she would check with me afterwards). Talking about it was BRUTAL, but I just kept talking because I knew that it was necessary. I'm so glad that I told him - and he reacted in such a wonderful way - concerned, compassionate, but not pushy.> > *** Did you ASK her if it was a "genuine episode" or not? Usually, I think of these kinds of questions 5 minutes after I walk out the door (frustrating!).
>
> No, I kind of thought we would have more discussion over it and then come to a conclusion. I didn't think about asking her if it were genuine. Do you think it's still okay to ask at my next session?*** Absolutely. If you are thinking about something (and particularly if you are worried about it) you should ask about it.
> It's just new to me to actually tell someone my feelings and expect them to take any of it into account.
*** When a therapist can come through for you in a way that the world hasn't done before, it is so wonderful.
> Thanks for the post Falls, it was more helpful than you think! :) (((Falls))))
> Elle
>*** Good. Best of luck to you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:324159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/324361.html