Posted by Elle2021 on March 14, 2004, at 12:16:39
In reply to Re: I hate therapy (rant) (long) » Elle2021, posted by fallsfall on March 14, 2004, at 9:59:07
Hmm...no I didn't ask her if she was mad. I didn't think about that. Her body language and tone of voice led me to the "mad" conclusion. But, I tend to believe that my perception is pretty off the mark most of the time. I'm starting to think perhaps she was just frustrated because I can't come once a week. She made mention about how it would be fine to do twice a month, but from a "clinical perspective" it would take longer. From now on, when she is mad, I'm going to come right out and ask her. The only question now is...will I believe her if she tells me she isn't? If she isn't mad, then what can I fix?
> > I don't feel like she understands me.
> *** This comment may be completely off base, but when I read this my first thought was that this is how you feel about your mother. Are you projecting that feeling onto your therapist? (Maybe I've been reading too many psych books...)Actually I don't think it sounds that off base to me. We had a long talk about how I need to start dealing and learning how to handle my mother. It is entirely possible I transfered my feelings about the situation onto her. It's even more likely that I projected *myself* onto her. I don't feel like I understand me...therefore she doesn't understand me. And BTW...I'm a fan of reading psych books too! :)
> >...I told her that I hated it because there were things I wanted to tell her, but couldn't yet because I don't know how to deal with the feelings yet. We talked about how I am completely 100% out of touch with my feelings. She wants to start "working on that." Uh-huh... I can see that happening.Well she said that she agreed with me, that if I was going to using cutting as a coping mechanism then she thought it was a bad idea to discuss certain things until I get back in touch with my feelings. It's hard to describe exactly how *out* of touch I am. I am so used to completely disociating myself from what I'm feeling and replacing it with something...more easy to deal with (more superficial).
> *** I am the kind of person who likes no surprises. I love to plan.That is so me! I was so mad at myself because I had printed some things off a website about OCD and I had some questions for her...I forgot all of it at home. I had also made an agenda of what I wanted to discuss, which I also forgot. So when I came into the session and she asked if there was something in particular to talk about, I said no...can you believe that. UGH!
>It's a different way of looking at therapy - instead of "presenting" myself for her approval, I am *living* in the session (and we are both observing what that "living" looks like).
Well this is what I need to learn to do! I definitely go in there and present the "guaranteed to be approved version" of myself. I'd like to go in there and just tell her I feel miserable, I want to come to see her not just once a week, but every single day. I'm not sure I'm going to get fixed here. I'm half-way convinced she's are going to dump me if I don't quit cutting. (I've decided to quit telling her about the cutting). It would be SO nice to be that honest with her. I think MAYBE I might be able to do that at my next session.
> *** Did you ASK her if it was a "genuine episode" or not? Usually, I think of these kinds of questions 5 minutes after I walk out the door (frustrating!).
No, I kind of thought we would have more discussion over it and then come to a conclusion. I didn't think about asking her if it were genuine. Do you think it's still okay to ask at my next session?
> *** Call him again. Burt is too sweet to not return your phone calls. I bet the message got lost.
:) Those forgetful secretaries... (wink wink) I will give him a call Monday.
> *** ((((Elle)))) Can you talk to her about these frustrations?No, I haven't really tried to tell her about it just yet, but now I'm going to. I realize now how important it is. It's just new to me to actually tell someone my feelings and expect them to take any of it into account.
Thanks for the post Falls, it was more helpful than you think! :) (((Falls))))
Elle
poster:Elle2021
thread:324159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040313/msgs/324263.html