Posted by Pfinstegg on February 22, 2004, at 16:53:01
In reply to Re: I'd appreciate input from all, by the way » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on February 22, 2004, at 13:59:36
i was trying to understand what you are actually asking for. I've noticed, of course, that you've made excursions into biofeedback and EMDR, and wondered then what it was that you hoped you'd find there that you haven't found a way to ask for, or try to find, with your own therapist.
Would a way to approach this be to ask yourself more, with your therapist, what you really want for your life, and from therapy? Are there things you would want if you didn't dismiss them quickly from your mind because of the anxiety they bring up, or because you've just gotten used to not having them?
For example, you are so smart, Dinah, but I get the feeling that you haven't translated that into a career goal which would match your brains and give you the confidence and self-esteem which is rightfully yours. It's as if that is somehow implicitly "off-limits" for you. Why should it be? In the past, you've mentioned wanting to study to become a therapist yourself; everyone who knows you here knows FOR SURE that you would make a wonderful one. Is this something you might really enjoy doing? Is there something inside you which prevents you from going ahead with that, or some other rewarding venture?
In another area, which is a bit harder to talk about: from what you have told us, there are things about your marriage which could be better (of course, you're not alone here- it's true of us all!) But, from the way you talk about it, you seem to be saying it's not possible for you to actually make those changes- either through your own therapy, or in couples therapy. I am wondering- why not?
I guess I'm saying in various ways that you seem to have expectations that are too low for the person you really are. It just comes to my mind that you are already the most successful person in your immediate family in terms of mental health and work and family accomplishments, even given the problems that you have. If you accomplished even more, would it be, unconsciously, like leaving them behind or *killing them off* altogether? Just brainstorming here!
I have come to believe more and more strongly that, for growth and fulfilment in life, none of us can ever have too much of the kind of direct and honest interaction which we can have with our therapists- some of it, or maybe even a lot of it, seems to be on the level of emotional and bodily connections and responses which only later get translated into words. I get the most out of my sessions when I interact with BEOWULF on this level first, rather than trying to intellectualize and figure things out. It's taken me a year to kind of *let go* and do things this way, and it does involve a lot of terror reactions. The thing about terror reactions, though, is that they don't last terribly long, and there are so many feelings besides terror which come right along afterwards. You have said that you tend to intellectualize, too- do you have times when you can trust him to be *there* enough, and to do his part enough, so that you can just be you, and honor and express just your own feelings and reactions, without having to monitor his as well? I don't even know if you do that- just brainstorming along, again!
Anway, it's great to have you here to talk to- don't you DARE leave again!
poster:Pfinstegg
thread:316431
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316585.html