Posted by KindGirl on February 17, 2004, at 23:12:21
In reply to Such sad stories... (long), posted by DaisyM on February 17, 2004, at 17:58:05
Man it is like I am reading my own journal here.
Thank you a zillion times for the gentle support here during, a very very shitty day. Sorry if no cussing is allowed, but it was a shitty day. I have never cried this much for this long so deeply before in my life.No, my husband is not "there for me"....he does try. I will give him that. He has his own childhood abuse stuff he is still stuffing down and so I can't depend on him to be there as a source of strength really. He is hot and cold. Last night I was sobbing myself to sleep...he asked me what was wrong...I said I didn't know, I was just sad....he reached over, patted my hand and was snoring within 2 minutes. Oh well...I got a pat.
T. tells me that I should have hubby hold me when I am like this, but I don't want HIM holding me...I want HER holding me. Somehow the fantasy gets shattered when his prickly chest hairs go in my nostrils!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
I will get the books you guys recommended. Thanks for that.
Suicidal thoughts???? Well yes and no. Just wanting to be dead is more like it. Would never do that to my kids.
Called T today and left her a message...crying...and she called back and left me a message (I don't like talking voice to voice between sessions)...said that I am to continue feeling these feelings...these deep deep wounds from such an early age...I need to keep calling her. She is here for me...bla bla bla.
I just wish there was some way, somehow to dump some of this on her. I can't help but feel like I am carrying this enormous burden on my shoulder and she is there on the sidelines saying, "Yes you ARE carrying a huge load! Let's talk about the huge load. It is okay to complain about the huge load."...when I want to scream, "DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!"
Talking about all of this is fine and dandy but at the end of the day it is me and my pillow and my soul full of inconsolable sorrow and that is such a sad place to be. If anyone else is there at that place, could you please let me know and bring some chips and red licorice and we will eat in bed, okay?
poster:KindGirl
thread:314323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/314958.html