Posted by Dinah on February 6, 2004, at 11:04:42
With my therapist. About all the self disclosing on the part of therapists. He said he had never told anyone he had sexual fantasies about them, or in any way disclosed a sexual interest, although he might tell someone he thought they were attractive.
He also tends to think that clients who obsess about sex, or in my case dependency, are trying to avoid real therapeutic work. I disagreed with him on that one, as my take is that those obsessions are part of the client's problems and thus grist for the mill. For example, I now see him as a secure base, but it took years of obsessing about abandonment before I was able to do that. And I think that *is* therapeutic work.
He also thinks it's a client's responsibility to disclose if the attraction to the therapist is part of their normal way of relating to people. I sort of thought that therapists were trained to at least ask about that sort of thing, and not assume that they were so intrinsically desirable that they were the only one the to whom client ever related sexually. He says that if a therapist is experiencing sexual desire that he might not be able to see what would ordinarily be visible. Now there's where I get lost. I can't quite grasp that sexual attraction thing. To me it shouldn't be different than any other feeling. (wrinkled brow, puzzled look)
Which led us to the topic of supervision. He says that he's always been in supervision, but that it's difficult to talk about sexual attraction because it's embarassing and also because it feels good to enjoy the titillation of a sexually charged relationship. But he at least allowed me to believe that he wouldn't give in to the weakness, and would seek supervision. Of course in discussing all this he inadvertantly implied that he does indeed feel sexual attraction to clients, although he was careful to let me know that he didn't fantasize about me. Which is both reassuring and obvious, I'm afraid, since I'm not particularly fantasy material.
Now, if you've read this far, I'll let you in on my terrible secret. I admitted that while I didn't want a sexual reaction from him, I did want to feel special to him. And that I liked it when I got an emotional reaction from him and may in fact even try for one. He asked me what it meant to me if I got an emotional reaction from him (duh!). I told him that getting an emotional reaction meant he was emotionally engaged and that it felt good to know he was emotionally engaged. He told me it was ok to want anything from anyone and it was ok to ask for it, and that it was also ok that sometimes the answer would be no. I asked if it was ok to ask for emotional engagement, and he replied that husbands and wives and family members asked for it all the time. I asked him if it was ok to ask for it from a therapist, and he said yes. I asked him if a client would be told no, and he said not necessarily, or that maybe the answer would be yes, or something like that. I sure as h*ll am not going to ask. :D
(He too was shocked that four percent of those psychologists surveyed thought it wasn't necessarily bad to disrobe in front of a client.)
poster:Dinah
thread:310138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040206/msgs/310138.html