Posted by Penny on January 29, 2004, at 9:16:36
In reply to Last session with my T (rather long), posted by thewriteone on January 28, 2004, at 14:47:10
I had to end therapy with my former T because I moved as well. I had been seeing her for three years! I was so very attached to her and I really didn't know how I was going to tolerate not seeing her. On Feb. 8 of this year, it will be exactly one year since my last appointment with her.
The difference with my situation is that I was only moving 2.5 hours away, and my pdoc practiced in both cities, so I didn't have to leave him too, and he helped me find a new therapist in my new location. So for a while after I moved (in August), I went to see my former T in my former location on Saturday (every other week, down to once a month). Then, in January, I had decided on a new T, and I started seeing her weekly. I had two more sessions with my former T, in Jan. and Feb., after starting therapy with the new T.
So I had a good support system in place before my final session with the former T. Still, it was extremely hard. I had all of these things in mind I wanted to say to her but couldn't. Actually, she wrote a letter to me, summing up our three years together, and read it to me in our session. I just cried and cried. It was so hard, and it still is when I think about it now, or when I re-read the letter. :-(
And this year, since our last session and since I've started with a 'new' therapist (who isn't new anymore), many things have happened to me. Many things that I wish I could have shared with her, but instead have shared with my current T. But it's okay, because I've bonded with the new T and (gasp!) think I might like her even more than the old one! I NEVER thought that would ever be possible!!! I guess things really do happen for a reason.
My best advice to you would be to try to look at the things you've learned during your time with your therapist. What about your therapy made it special? What good things can you take away? If your T is like mine was, she's probably in your head - you can almost hear what she would say in reaction to this or that situation. Use that!
And try to not look at this as an end to your therapy. I know you might not be willing to think too much about it now, but you might consider finding a new T in your new location. Because, as you said, you don't feel as though you've finished your work with her. Perhaps not - but, let me tell you from experience, another therapist might be able to shine light on parts of your work that your current T hasn't. A new therapist can bring an entirely new perspective and viewpoint to your therapy. And now that you've been in therapy, you will know what you want when looking for a new T. I interviewed several when deciding, and chose a therapist who was a bit older than my former one, but who I felt safe and warm with in much the same way. I have decided that my former T was very much the 'perfect mommy' to my little girl self, but my current T is the 'perfect mother' to my adult self. Which is quite nice.
Other things that helped me - my former T spoke to my current T so that I wouldn't have to 'start from scratch' again. My former T told me that she wanted to hear from me occasionally, just to keep her updated on what was going on, particularly major things that would happen, and if I moved, etc. And I told her that if she moved or whatever to let me know as well, and she said she would. She also said that if, at some point, I wanted a 'consultation session' with her, just to catch up and say hi, that she would be okay with that. All of that made it feel less like she was gone for good out of my life.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I know how hard it is. But think - if you hadn't done such good work with her, it wouldn't hurt so much, would it?
I hope you can find some peace with all of this. Let us know how you are doing.
P
poster:Penny
thread:306505
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/306823.html