Posted by thewriteone on January 28, 2004, at 14:47:10
I lurk here more often than not. Some of you guys seemed to have developed this bond I haven't been able to, but a lot of what you say sounds like things that echo in my own head.
That said, awhile back I posted about having to leave therapy. I'm moving and I've been in therapy for more than two years. I'm VERY attached to my therapist and have experienced maternal transference with her. We've discussed it and she considers it to be a positive thing. Hearing some of your horror stories, that makes me even more sad about losing her.
I had actually thought my last session was going to be two weeks ago, but I was delayed in moving. Monday will be my last session for sure and I am absolutely beside myself with grief. My T has been very supportive. I asked her before when I thought I wouldn't be coming back if she would bring me something that belonged to her, a photograph or something. She immediately thought of something and said she would bring it the next week. She also told me to bring a camera and take a picture. The following week she did bring me something of hers and I took a couple pics of her.
That helped a lot, but I swear, I hate the way I feel about losing her. I want to say, "Please don't leave" except she's not the one leaving. I burst into tears seemingly for no reason, but I know it's because I don't want to lose her. While I don't think we've been able to "finish" the work we're doing, I don't know that it would get any easier later to lose her. It almost feels like she's dying, at least to me because I won't have access to her anymore. I feel horrible saying that, but it's an honest statement.
So Monday I go in for our last session and I don't know what to say or how to act or if I'll just completely fall apart. I want to get a card for her, but I'm not sure I could even come up with words to convey what I want to say to her.
poster:thewriteone
thread:306505
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040123/msgs/306505.html