Posted by Dinah on January 20, 2004, at 0:11:53
I showed up at her office early, and she came out with the questionnaire on a clipboard. And it was the one I was hoping not to get. You had to answer 28 questions by scoring them how often something happened between 0 and 100. I'm *awful* at those things. I never know what a hundred should be! So I told her that I wasn't sure how to answer - more than once I told her that I wasn't good at these things. I gave her an example to see if she could clarify. She was vague and finally said that that's just the way the test was. It used these scales and I just had to guess.
I thought maybe it was like the Rorshach where how you interpret the instructions spoke as much to who you were as your actual answers. But I don't think that was the case here. My neurologist was very understanding when I froze on the pain ratings. I didn't know whether five should be the worst pain I ever felt from a headache, the worst pain I've ever felt, or the worst pain I can imagine feeling given descriptions of really bad pain. The neurologist answered very helpfully.
So I was left with the clipboard, and near to tears already because I hadn't been able to explain what I needed her to clarify. So I figured I'd do it like a test. Answer the questions I knew, and then go back to the rest. Well that took care of a very few. And there were some questions that were worded so that I didn't even really know what they were asking. It would depend on where the emphasis in the sentence was or something. But she had told me to guess, so guess I did, being the good girl I am. But I was definitely tearful by the time I handed her the questionaire.
For example. It said some people stare off into space, losing all track of time. How often do you do this. Well.... Do they mean all the minutes in a day, or all waking minutes? Or do they mean how many days a week do you find yourself doing that sometime during the day? It would make a big difference in how you answer, don't you think? If they mean the former, I can't see how you can put down a very high number, since you also have to work, sleep, eat, and go to the restroom. And either could be valid interpretations. I guessed the former. And there was one question where I could make a case for 0, 100, or many points in between, depending on how I interpreted it.
So after she scores the test, I ask her if we can go over it verbally, so that we could both understand it better. She really didn't seem to care for the idea, but she agreed. I didn't find that she shed a lot of light onto the system. Then she apparently had a problem with my liking of precision in words. So I'd describe something as x, and she'd repeat back that I felt a, and I'd say, no - x, not a. Because when you're describing something, a slight difference in words means a lot. Or I think so anyway. She started questioning me about perfectionism, and black and white thinking. I left well before my hour was up.
I am never ever going to subject myself to this again. My therapist knows and understands me. He may not like me and he may get exasperated, but he understands why I do what I do. Depending on his mood he might shake his head and say "Oh, Dinah" or he might yell. But he'd always understand. I'm never going to put myself into someone's hands who doesn't understand ever again.
poster:Dinah
thread:303027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040116/msgs/303027.html