Posted by Medusa on December 31, 2003, at 11:36:03
In reply to Family Evaluation - Medusa, posted by Dinah on December 31, 2003, at 8:52:30
> Is it a family systems theory? But I assume you don't need the whole family there.
>Yes, and that's correct.
> Does it talk about things like triangling or is it a different theory of family problems?
>Triangling is one part of the theory, but concepts such as "Differentiation of Self" (http://www.georgetownfamilycenter.org/pages/conceptds.html) and "Emotional Cutoff" (http://www.georgetownfamilycenter.org/pages/conceptec.html) are key as well.
I still haven't figured out the main differences between the Bowen / Georgetown approach to family systems and the Mental Research Institute / Palo Alto approach. Some key players in both have spent time at NIMH, and I'm interested in where the split (if there is one) came from. I'm slogging my way through Roberta Gilbert's book, _Extraordinary Relationships_ which is supposed to be Bowen Lite, but something about her writing style makes the concepts LESS accessible than Kerr's book does.
My therapy institute is affiliated with the Palo Alto group. In the first meeting I had there, unobserved, the therapist didn't seem any better than any other talk therapist I've seen over the years. What systems stuff she applied was straight out of a book, with apparently no regard for applicability to my case. But in the observed program, the trainee/therapist is consistently on-task and I've made fundamental progress in a couple of key areas.
For example, I've spent my life hung up on feelings of responsibility for my siblings. I've put their needs (as I perceive them) way ahead of my own ... and when I've finally drawn boundaries and enforced them, it's led to cut-off. Other therapists have said I should concentrate on myself. This therapist/therapy team asked me what I wanted from my siblings. I couldn't think of anything. She took one in particular (recent boundary-setting and now apparent cut-off) and asked what I wanted from him. Still nothing. Finally I said, well I'd like my siblings to take interest in me as a person. The therapist wanted to know how I could achieve that. I had a couple of ideas, and she said, listen, your assignment for next month is to come up with a strategic plan for getting your siblings to take interest in you as a person.
Over a couple of days, I realized, crystal-clear, that I didn't care to strive for my siblings' interest in me, as a person or otherwise. Burden lifted, case closed.
There are unanswered questions in my sibling relationships, for sure. But I suddenly have clarity about what I need to do:
1) I have to learn how to not stand in my own way when siblings +do+ take interest in me, and
2)I have to revive contact with siblings I don't even +like+.
I'm not sure how to accomplish these, but I'll figure it out on my own (or with the help of a communications coach I know). The main hang-up I had in resolving this issue has been dissolved.
poster:Medusa
thread:295039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/295105.html