Posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 10:42:51
In reply to Re: Calling for follow-up - (long), posted by DaisyM on December 11, 2003, at 20:15:03
((((((Daisy))))))) I'm sending you so many hugs, I so very much hope you are feeling better today. I wish I had checked last night before I went to sleep.
Do you think that you are afraid to become amost dependent upon him because others have let you down in the past? You've had to become dependent upon noone else but yourself essentially and now you do have someone else that you can confide in, your therapist. And that is a bit scary. It is really hard to start trusting someone else now. And it is hard to show your feelings once again. I'm always afraid my therapist might laugh at me. It's like I've been programmed not to have feelings. And it's almost easier not to.Why couldn't you sink into your feelings? Were you scared of what might happen, of what they were, of what you were feeling? If you are feeling this anxious hun, as hard as it is you should try to tap into "the why". Do you think it is because he asked you that direct question about your past? I know that sometimes my therapist will say something that doesn't bother me at all until I get home or several days later.
I know that if my therapist offered to see me on Christmas Eve I would be glowing for days. I wouldn't take him up on the offer, but just knowing that he did offer would help reassure me that he is there to help. Think of it that way. He cares about you getting better. Think about it. How many other clients do you think he offered to help on Christmas Eve? Not many.Maybe after thinking about the anxiety for a few, you may be able to come up with an explanation as to why it started. Can you recall exactly when it began? Does it get more intense at any time? (Like when the phone rings.. if that's the case you could be anxious he is going to cancel again) Do you think you're anxious because he canceled, or are you anxious because he wasn't there for you when you needed him to be? That's understandable entirely! I would be heart broken if mine had to cancel!
And also, I don't see how you messed up, really.... Every time my therapist tells me to close my eyes, I refuse. He started to ask me to do something and before he could even finish his sentence I refused. Just trying to put things in perspective for you! I would be the Queen of Screw-Ups :)
I really hope you slept well last night! And your dream.... Something is catching up with you. Did you feel threatened in your dream? I would say if so, then I wouldn't think it was him. Maybe some of the issues you are dealing with catching up with you. Maybe somethign you are avoiding. Maybe it is time to start facing them. I don't know. Just a guess?
Take care of yourself. I would take care of you if I were there :(
Karen
poster:Karen_kay
thread:288877
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/289090.html