Posted by Dinah on November 26, 2003, at 19:58:34
In reply to New Question from a Therapist, posted by DaisyM on November 26, 2003, at 19:08:48
G*d, I'm with you. I'd be utterly mortified. I have checked with him many times over the years, and he's said I've never come close to the boundaries. And I've gotten better, not worse, so I haven't checked with him for ages.
For what it's worth, it did come up a few times. I used to call and leave a message for him to call, then cancel, then cancel my cancellation, maybe a few times. He brought it up once (this was within the first few years of therapy) and I asked if it annoyed him. He thought before he answered and said that if I had spoken to him that many times it would have annoyed him, but that since I spoke to his machine and he listened to all the messages at once that it didn't really annoy him. And that it was an interesting view into the workings of my mind. Which was a very gentle way of saying what wouldn't be ok. And I picked up on the clue and worked out with him that it was better to just ask him to call me and let him do it, rather than fight with myself over it. So I gradually learned to do that.
It also came up in another way. I was remarking about how distant he seemed on the phone, which generally made me feel worse than when I called. And he apologized, and said that perhaps he had learned to do that (not with me, but in general) because he didn't want to encourage long calls that he wasn't paid for. So we worked out that I would pay for calls over a couple of minutes. And from then on I offered to pay for several calls. He generally turned me down, but I think it reassured him. So now he's warmer on the phone than he used to be. Still not his best, but better than he used to be.
But a direct limit setting? I think it'd make me nuts and clingy and self hating and totally annoying to him. :(
A major flaw on my part.
poster:Dinah
thread:284247
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031123/msgs/284260.html