Posted by Jellibabe on November 24, 2003, at 1:34:12
Oh dear I am struggling at the moment! I've spent a very miserable weekend just thinking about my psychiatrist the WHOLE time. I know I suffer from transference in a BIG way, and I know this is from an extremely traumatised childhood and lack of a father but knowing all that doesn't help me at all. I'm stuck! I love my therapist entirely. I feel comforted and safe with him and I've told him this already.
I'm scared I am going to get to see him and be unable to leave his office. I'm scared I am going to cry and beg not to go home. This is so humiliating. And it does nothing, of course, for my self esteem which is zero. I have no idea why I am like this. I have a loving husband and 2 fine children. Why would I not want to go home? Why do I spend an entire weekend thinking about/clinging to my therapist in my mind?
Sometimes there just seems no way out for me. I have struggled with this for so long. I eke out 15 days at a time to enjoy 60 minutes of his attention. Then its a crash landing again until the next visit two weeks later. Surely this is no way to spend a life? Sometimes I think I should just drive into the back of a truck because there is no hope for me.
poster:Jellibabe
thread:283091
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031123/msgs/283091.html