Posted by braxton on November 17, 2003, at 19:29:26
In reply to Re: Transference Crisis, posted by sweet77 on November 17, 2003, at 0:20:47
I just want to thank everyone so much for sharing their personal stories about their transference toward their therapists. Four weeks ago my therapist of six months informed me she was terminating our relationship, and tomorrow is our very last session. She gave no reason for terminating, other than she is ending her practice. I asked why she was ending her practice, and she evaded and essentially refused to give me an answer. Prior to therapy, she and I were associates of sorts, and had some very limited social contact with each other and a few phone conversations. I believe we shared a mutual respect and admiration for each other. During our most recent session, she kindly told me that we could not go back to being associates, or having a social relationship, and that she was sad about that, but that it had to be that way. I have been going crazy over the past few weeks and have definitely experienced every single emotion expressed by the folks in this thread. I respect the boundaries, but it does hurt, and I too am very sad. I have spent the last week brooding, and moving to a place of acceptance.
My therapist is around my age (low to mid-30's), very smart, attractive, very professional and takes her job as therapist very seriously. I respect and admire her greatly, and I have been severely mourning the loss of her over the past two weeks. She has never crossed any professional boundaries, and nor have I. I have never told her about my feelings toward her, other than that I respect and admire her, and that I missed having our sessions during her two week vacation.
Recently I began expressing lots of gratitude, that I think about her often and that she has made a big impact on my life, helping me work through my issues. I have not told her how strong those feelings are, nor that I have felt strong urges to experience her outside of the theraputic relationship. I have had one sexually charged dream about her, and I daydream about past and future sessions constantly, especially prior to and just after our sessions.
Anyway, reading the messages have really relieved a lot of anxiety about what I am feeling and has given me the courage to open up and acknowledge some of these feelings of transference with her as we close out tomorrow. Just how much, I do not know. Thank you all for helping me cope with this. I will indeed continue on with my journey of working through my issues regardless of who my therapist is. The information gleaned from this thread, plus other information that I've read in books (I went to three bookstores to find "In Session" -- even though I am a male and the book is about female to male transferance -- and it was not in stock) will make my final session tomorrow less painful.
I am sure I will feel something emotional following our session tomorrow. Hopefully, I will come back to share.
Just last week I was struggling with this alone, but it appears as if my feelings have been very normal -- in fact, almost necessary to the theraputic process.
By the way, is it inappropriate to give my therapist a thank you card at the end of my session? I have thought about giving her a parting gift to express my thanks, but I have since ruled that out. Any thoughts?
poster:braxton
thread:245412
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/280663.html