Posted by Adia on October 15, 2003, at 13:58:59
In reply to frustrating therapy session, posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Dear Penny,
Hi..
I am sorry you are feeling frustrated or you wanted more support from her and things didn't turn out so well.
When I feel my therapist doesn't understand me or she says something which hurts me or wasn't what I expected, I feel I lose my sense of safety and hope...I feel I am all alone inside again.
She often tells me she can't read my mind always, that she can't know if I don't tell her and that sometimes she may be wrong or maybe I need to explain more something...that it is wonderful when we can communicate almost without words and she can know exactly what I feel but that sometimes she can't...
I hang on to that and I try to think that if there is a misunderstanding or if I feel hurt by her in any way, or she says something I don't like or don't agree with, I will be able to talk with her and tell her my true feelings and hopefully I will feel her closer to my heart again. It really hurts when I feel she doesn't understand me and I feel so lost afterwards. But I try to think that she is human and she can't know what's in my heart..
I am sorry you feel insecure..because of the money issue. If she had a problem with that she would have told you..Maybe you could share these fears you are having with her so she can reassure you that of course you are worth the effort and the time...
I too can't pay my therapist in time and she waits for me and when I can't pay and go a month for instance without paying her when I know I should, I feel bad , sort of as if I didn't have the right to be there and it makes it all harder.
But I am sure your therapist knows you will pay her as soon as you are able to, and she's okay with that. Don't be sooo hard on yourself.
Sometimes too when my therapist doesn't understand or I feel the session is not as close as others, I try to tell myself that she is human too and maybe she had a bad day..I do hope you can talk to her tomorrow and let her know how you felt and feel...
I understand about feeling tired all the time..
My psychiatrist tells me to exercise at least 3 times a week but I feel she just doesn't get it that sometimes I spend all my energy just getting out of bed and making myself something to eat or going out to work.
anyway, I wanted to reach out and encourage you to talk with your therapist tomorrow...
let her know how you're feeling...
My cat is like your dogs too.. :o) If I stay in bed till 12 he stays with me. I try to set myself one little goal a day, it doesn't have to be something big, sometimes it's just making dinner or forcing myself to go out...I wish you a better session tomorrow...let us know how it goes...
Adia.> Okay, I don't usually complain about therapy or my T, but feeling a need right now. Saw her last night and I was telling her about tired I am *all* the time, and how I managed to do a couple of things this weekend, but even that was a major effort, and it doesn't make sense to me since my mood has improved, and since I know it's not med-related, b/c I'm only taking Wellbutrin now, which has always been activating for me, and I'm taking my thyroid med and my vitamins (with iron), but I just have no energy.
>
> And I was saying how there's always the standby advice, "Lose some weight, get more exercise, eat right" but that exercise is really out of the question b/c it is all I can do to pull myself out of bed, and then I spend most of my time wishing I was back in bed.
>
> Anyway, her advice was that I needed to make myself do things even when I don't want to. And I remarked that maybe I'm just lazy, and she said that could be part of it, though she thinks it goes deeper than that.
>
> But I guess my problem is that I felt like she was exasperated with me. I don't know what she was expecting me to talk about, but I was hoping for some ideas, maybe, on how to deal with this feeling of not being able to accomplish anything, of being 'stuck' and too doggone tired to do anything about it, and instead I got the "just do it" talk. Which made me feel like she really doesn't understand. And I've never felt that way toward her. But I think the session ended on an uncomfortable note, and I was kinda glad to be out of there, and I think she sensed that. And she alluded to some things that I think she could have expanded on (like her comment that my feeling of laziness probably goes deeper). But she didn't.
>
> And, yes, I know she's not a mind-reader, but I just wanted some more support from her than I feel like I got. And now I'm frustrated and I really want to cancel my appointment with her tomorrow.
>
> Plus, I'm not paying her the full fee for our sessions right now - she's keeping track of what I owe her that I can pay her when I'm able - and I wonder if that's starting to frustrate her. Right now I'm paying her $10 a session, plus she gets about $80 a session from insurance, but I'm supposed to be paying her a little over $34. And, like I said, she said I could pay it when I'm able, and it's not like I'm out spending money - I have all of $130 in the bank right now, and I get paid on Friday, but I'm living off of babysitting money, and I wish I could pay her more, but I can't. And I will pay her when I can, and I think she knows that, and I recommended cutting back on sessions, but she was insistent about seeing me 2 times a week, so that's what we're doing. And I guess I should trust that if she has a problem with what I am paying her, she will say something, but I still wonder if she's starting to think maybe I'm not worth the time and effort. I don't know...
>
> P
poster:Adia
thread:269640
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031011/msgs/269689.html