Posted by Penny on October 15, 2003, at 10:56:22
Okay, I don't usually complain about therapy or my T, but feeling a need right now. Saw her last night and I was telling her about tired I am *all* the time, and how I managed to do a couple of things this weekend, but even that was a major effort, and it doesn't make sense to me since my mood has improved, and since I know it's not med-related, b/c I'm only taking Wellbutrin now, which has always been activating for me, and I'm taking my thyroid med and my vitamins (with iron), but I just have no energy.
And I was saying how there's always the standby advice, "Lose some weight, get more exercise, eat right" but that exercise is really out of the question b/c it is all I can do to pull myself out of bed, and then I spend most of my time wishing I was back in bed.
Anyway, her advice was that I needed to make myself do things even when I don't want to. And I remarked that maybe I'm just lazy, and she said that could be part of it, though she thinks it goes deeper than that.
But I guess my problem is that I felt like she was exasperated with me. I don't know what she was expecting me to talk about, but I was hoping for some ideas, maybe, on how to deal with this feeling of not being able to accomplish anything, of being 'stuck' and too doggone tired to do anything about it, and instead I got the "just do it" talk. Which made me feel like she really doesn't understand. And I've never felt that way toward her. But I think the session ended on an uncomfortable note, and I was kinda glad to be out of there, and I think she sensed that. And she alluded to some things that I think she could have expanded on (like her comment that my feeling of laziness probably goes deeper). But she didn't.
And, yes, I know she's not a mind-reader, but I just wanted some more support from her than I feel like I got. And now I'm frustrated and I really want to cancel my appointment with her tomorrow.
Plus, I'm not paying her the full fee for our sessions right now - she's keeping track of what I owe her that I can pay her when I'm able - and I wonder if that's starting to frustrate her. Right now I'm paying her $10 a session, plus she gets about $80 a session from insurance, but I'm supposed to be paying her a little over $34. And, like I said, she said I could pay it when I'm able, and it's not like I'm out spending money - I have all of $130 in the bank right now, and I get paid on Friday, but I'm living off of babysitting money, and I wish I could pay her more, but I can't. And I will pay her when I can, and I think she knows that, and I recommended cutting back on sessions, but she was insistent about seeing me 2 times a week, so that's what we're doing. And I guess I should trust that if she has a problem with what I am paying her, she will say something, but I still wonder if she's starting to think maybe I'm not worth the time and effort. I don't know...
P
poster:Penny
thread:269640
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031011/msgs/269640.html