Posted by Adia on October 9, 2003, at 23:33:19
In reply to Re: Were you bullied as a kid?, posted by HannahW on October 9, 2003, at 23:12:50
Dear Hannah,
Thank you for sharing with me...and yes I do feel there's hope and healing for us :o)Have you been able to share all this with your therapist? That takes so much courage.
I have tried to tell my therapist, I have never been able to verbalize the things that happened, only what I feel now, the flashbacks and what happens when I try to be intimate with my b/f (we're about to break up because I can't stand being touched at all)..
My father abused me sexually and physically, I have memories from when I was in primary school, when I was 7...I was 9 when those boys at school would chase me. I felt it had something to do with me being bad. I too carried the shame...the feeling of I must be bad for this to happen and because I somehow let it continue for so long and I couldn't stop it.It went on while I was in high school, but I would try not to be at home so much..but I was totally powerless to stop him.Crying is good...I am glad you've been able to cry...I can cry alone too...
I have been drawing...trying to put into something tangible the pictures in my mind..and it helps to make some sense of things..
I am so sorry you suffered abuse and you carry the shame.You are right and we should have no shame...and put the blame right where it belongs. We did nothing wrong...absolutely nothing wrong.Thank you so much for sharing with me so honestly and from your heart. It means so much to me!
Sending you all my support and wishing you healing,Adia.
> Dear Adia--
>
> Was it sexual? I know I have some sexual abuse in my past, but I can't quite access the memories. My older sisters were sexually abused by our grandfather, so it seems only logical that I was too, although I only remember things that were inappropriate, but not unlawful. --Like he used to nibble on my ear, and I actually really liked the attention. But I don't remember anything beyond that, thank goodness. I'm sure it happened, though.
>
> Five boys...how awful. How old were you? I keep telling people that it's hard for me to cry--although I've been crying a lot lately--the image I get in my mind brings tears to my eyes.
> And if your father abused you until you were 19...good God...Honey, I'm so sorry.
>
> If you're like me, you carry the shame of having been abused. What a ridiculous notion--that anyone could *deserve* the kind of abuse we endured. Here's to ridding ourselves of the shame, and placing the blame where it belongs...
>
> We'll get over it, Adia. We're going our best, and we'll win in the end.
>
> Hannah
poster:Adia
thread:267558
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030925/msgs/267608.html