Posted by Tabitha on September 24, 2003, at 14:27:23
I had my first session in my new group. This is my 3rd attempt at these things-- the first time it was nothing but conflict, then ended when several people dropped out. The 2nd time was disaster-- I was kicked out. That was in 1999. I think I understand what went wrong then, but it was very painful. So I went into this group expecting possible repeat disaster, and very guarded hope for any benefit beyond having a weekly event to attend (which is no small thing, given my lack of social activity right now).
I came out feeling happy and perky, but embarrassed. The group seemed like nice people. The age range seems right. Several are therapy veterans. Three admitted being on medication (I didn't yet).
Yet I struggle so much with the lack of structure in the format. I feel like I don't know what's appropriate to say, or when to say it. I can't tell when it's OK to change the subject. I can't figure out why the therapist intervenes sometimes and not others. I'm afraid I'll either remain silent, and not get my share of time and attention, or else blurt out things inappropirately and others will feel interrupted or stomped on. I feel utterly graceless. And afraid I'll just go on being at odds with the natural rhythm, and get rejected. And exposed as a socially graceless, immature reject. General humiliation.
I mentioned being in an online support group, and one woman said she wouldn't believe people over the internet. I was a little offended. Like people would want to make up the stories we post here. It's not like we're trying to make ourselves look good!
poster:Tabitha
thread:262977
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/262977.html