Posted by fuzzymind on January 5, 2003, at 8:06:18
Well all my dreams are strange. Only interesting part of my life are my dreams. Well the end of my dream during my 2 hour nap this morning had me walking through a shopping mall with an older white woman. Don't know who she was, but during the walk through the mall, I remember thinking she could be my mother and I was anticipating reaction from the other mallers as they looked at us both. She walked very fast, and I had to practically run to keep up with her. Well we ened up in a dress shop, and while waiting, an Asian boy in diapershange onto my parallel arm like a jungle gym. I think I have a conversation with the kid, and the kid wante to do a back flip while haging off of my arm. Another guy looks on, I think it is a relavtive of his. The kid attempts the back flip, but mistimes i the landing, and I am able to catch his head with my other arm before he is head hits the ground. No harm, no foul.
i htought this might mean I was nurtuing my inner child, or wish someone had intervened before the damage to myself had become worse. The bckflip and the dangers invlolved to the infant could represent how I saw myself, a child not ready to face the dificulties and dangers of the real world.
Not sure about the older white woman. Perhaps racial anorexia? I wonder if my life would be different if I was caucasian. Less bullying, not being so damned conspicuous, and parents that would intervene ater sucide attempts and obvious severe depression. Maybe I wished I had a mother figure which could have saved me, and I blame my culture for that. I remember during an evaluation 6 years earlier, the shrink told me that a possible reason my parents never got me any help was because of their culture. The ywere saving face by not letting anyone know they had a damaged kid. Makes sense I guess. What a price to pay for saving face.
Well, dream theater is over fortoday. back to my depressin and suicidal thoughts. Got to figure out a way to get hte raccoon out of my crawlspace and attic
poster:fuzzymind
thread:2119
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2119.html