Posted by Susang on August 22, 2002, at 8:09:25
In reply to Couples therapy, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2002, at 20:29:39
Dinah,
I know what you mean about character/personality style differences sometimes causing trouble in a marriage. My husband and I are so very alike in some ways but completely opposite in others which, of course, has caused us our fair share of difficulties over the years.I agree that often in marriage we have to "agree to disagree" on some things in order to peacefully and happily co-exist. If we just ignore things without first putting them out on the table for discussion, I think we run the risk of building resentment, misinterpreting intentions, or allowing issue to grow to be something that can't be ignored. Sometimes even though we may have been in a relationship for some time, we may not have a clear understanding of every one of our partner's views/needs/expectations which may also have changed over time. So I think we sometimes need to address those things that bug us to be sure we have communicated about it and there is a willingness to just let it be. Having an impartial observer there who is also skilled in communication techniques can make this a much smoother and more productive process than going it alone. Marriage counseling with a good therapist can be a great way to help couples resolve some of those things and make a good marriage even better. Of course, you gotta find a good therapist and sometimes that isn't so easy. You are a bright and intuitive person and I'm sure you could spot a lousy therapist right away and make a switch.
I think one critical element of this is the attitude of each spouse regarding counseling. I think men in particular can be a bit skittish about counseling but I think a good counselor can draw out a reluctant participant. But sometimes if the spouse won't go, it can still be of benefit to the other one to go to counseling alone to learn new strategies of communicating, negotiating, etc..
Can it make things worse? I suppose that is a possibility if there are a lot of issues that have been festering but to me it's like cleaning out a wound; sometimes it hurts while you're doing so but in the end it will heal better. You probably don't even have a lot of "wounds", maybe just some things that could be tweaked that might make you both a lot happier.
Just MHO. Not even sure if this answered what you were really asking. Take care Dinah.
Sue
poster:Susang
thread:950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020702/msgs/955.html