Posted by terra miller on August 21, 2002, at 21:15:34
In reply to Couples therapy, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2002, at 20:29:39
> I have the horrible feeling that any couples therapy will just make things worse by bringing out in the open problems that we now choose to ignore.
i think this is likely that things would come out in some degree otherwise it's kind of a waste of money???
>When the goal is to stay together, and divorce is not an option, is ignoring things really such a bad thing?
depends. i think trust your gut on this one. i honestly don't think it's bad from time to time depending on the issue to ignore things. i think every couple does this. it's when it's somehow causing more strife then you can handle that maybe you outta talk about it more. i don't believe "perfection" exists in marriages.
sometimes in therapy it's not about changing personalities as much as getting to the place that you both accept the other independently... then when you let them be them, you get along better. so, sometimes it's more about relating then discussing what you never seem to agree on.
> If the problems are based on character differences, and are very unlikely to change, is it better to try to just live with them? I'm not talking about abuse or adultery, just differing personality disorders that don't always mesh particularly well.
>
> Has anyone had couples therapy that helped or hurt their relationships?i just cannot believe this post is here. as you may know, i am separated. we are in couples therapy twice a month for 1 1/2 sessions and i just got home from another "glorious" (sarcasm) meeting. for us it has been beneficial because i have been able to get real down and honest. our therapist can make "observations" (ie: get in our faces if we're being jerks) that we listen to. honestly, one of us leaves there angry or upset, but it's always been because of good. i would say for us that therapy is good, but painful. i do not think it is harming us. for me, there are personality traits that i can't overlook.
take care,
terra
poster:terra miller
thread:950
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020702/msgs/951.html